July 15, 2014
My latest guilty pleasure obsession is E!’s new show Botched. It's on Sunday nights right after Keeping up with Kardashibutts and is both frightening and hilarious. It is about two Beverly Hills plastic surgeons who fix “botched” plastic surgeries. There are few things I love more than a good before and after and this show has some of the best I’ve ever seen.
This week’s episode featured the manchild, Toby, that has paid over $100,000 to look like Justin Bieber. He had hair transplants to get that Bieber flip, lip injections, as well as his upper lip lifted to get that “kind of smirk Justin has” (creep), liposuction to get a six pack (don’t think that’s how it works), and botox (cause he’s twice Biebs' age). He came to the two surgeons (for publicity) for surgery to shrink his forehead and reduce his jaw.
When the two surgeons (one of them is Paul Nassif aka Adrienne Maloof of RHOBH's ex-husband) turned him down, he wasn’t worried and took the camera crew into a recording studio to watch him sing (which was more excruciating than Britney without autotune). He says he has been in the music industry since Justin was a baby. Well we still don’t know who you are so…obviously it hasn’t been going well. In-between talking about his obsession with Justin Bieber he mentioned his girlfriend several times, which is a tad unsettling. Like, how am I single and he's not?
The other patient on the show, Desiree, got a "tummy tuck" that puts Tara Reid’s to shame. Basically her vag ended up on her stomach…
She starts by explaining that her mom had two friends who recommended a doctor in Tijuana. Like hello what did you think was gonna happen when you went to get plastic surgery in Mexico? The only things you can go to Mexico for are drugs and a good tan on spring break. After her surgery on Botched she was happier than ever saying, “my coochie has returned to its rightful spot.” (Insert golf clap for Desiree.)
For other before and after shots from past episodes click on this shit. They range from a transgender seeking new boobs, nose, and vagina to Janice Dickinson. Ew.