August 9, 2011
This week's betch of the week is known for being the fashion industry's scariest and #5 skinniest slave driver. Of course, the notoriously fierce editor-in-chief of Vogue, Anna Wintour.
For the rare career-driven power betch seeking a strong role model to guide her to the corner office, Anna is your girl. If you think she's just your typical successful corporate bitch, you're fucking ignorant. She doesn't just run a fashion magazine, she doesn't just run Vogue. She runs the entire global fashion industry. If you dispute this fact there's this website called Wikipedia that told us, we heard it's credible.
Anna has an innate sense of what's cool, artistic, and tasteful, but more importantly she knows that the key to life, not only in fashion, is to proudly display her disdain for fat people. She even told Oprah to lose weight. Truth hurts.
Some people out there, probably fat ones, blame Anna for promoting an "impossible and dangerous body image" for her models and employees. Please. We love this about her. Imagine if like, Michelle Obama were in charge of this - we'd all be eating 3 meals a day and some of us might even weigh in at a normal BMI. We all know this is just a nice way of calling someone fat.
Most importantly, Anna has the "I don't care" attitude in spades. She's known for her trademark massive #60 sunglasses, probably to shield her eyes from seeing fat people. And she says she can't even count how many times PETA activists have destroyed her fur coats, yet she continues to wear and strongly encourages designers to use fur in their lines. She's too betchy to even pretend to care about the environment. One time a protester dropped a dead raccoon in her plate while she was not eating at a restaurant. This could've sparked a #28 betch brawl worthy of Page Six, but instead she just asked the waiter to please remove it.
Many of Anna's critics accuse her of being elitist. Our answer to this is much like our theory on the #43 haters: They. Are. Jealous.
While we don't personally see this as a valid criticism because "elite" implies the "best," and logical people prefer better things, this elitist attitude defines her as the ultimate betch. She's the shit, and she and everyone else knows it. Even one of her friends admits to being "gripped by fear and panic in her presence." SO betchy.
So maybe she seemed like a total bitch in The Devil Wears Prada. All this movie did was prove that any publicity is good publicity because the whole world got to see how awesomely scary she is. Maybe if
her stupid assistant Anne Hathaway had managed to get the unreleased Harry Potter book and porterhouse steak to "Miss Priestly" in a timely fashion she'd be the one with a chauffeured Benz and 200 grand clothing allowance by now.
So girls, if you’ve resigned yourself to being the office betch and you're the rare girl who’s okay with doing work, there’s no one better to idolize than Anna Wintour. After all, there’s no betchier sign of a “don’t fuck with me” attitude than your staff members having a panic attack because you raised your fucking eyebrow.
She may be elitist, but it's not her fault people are poor and like, can't afford Chanel. This is Vogue, not Fruit of the fucking Loom.
Cause you don't wanna miss a thing