December 9, 2011
No betches, we didn't fuck up the title. There are only a few GBFFs that are special enough to make the cut for Betch of the Week, the pioneer being Perez Hilton, natch. But now it's time to mention not only one of our favorite people on TV but in life. He's short, appropriately flamboyant, and has an adorbs little puppy face. You may be thinking, "silly betches, Ryan Seacrest isn't gay!" No shit. It's none other than our favorite bar mitzvah boy, Andy Cohen.
Andy like, came out of fucking nowhere. We saw him hosting some show on Bravo and then in the
blink of an eye swig of a shot he took over the entire effing network. What a power betch. Not only is he the Oprah of Bravo, one of a betch's staple channels, but he's besties with like, every celeb. One might even call him the sceniest scenester on the scene.
Let's talk about Watch What Happens Live, the half hour talk show that we watch while recapping the Real Housewives. Let's be real, all Andy does is read tweets, talk to celebs about the retarded shit Kim Richards says, and drink while making fun of people. Talk about a fucking dream job. And soon we'll be lucky enough to watch WWHL 5 nights a week. We can't wait to see how he fills five nights of television, but we know we can count on him to keep us updated on Patti Stanger's weight fluctuations.
Our betchy agent recently pointed out to us an article in the Hollywood Reporter saying that Andy Cohen is beating the shit out of Chelsea Handler (not literally), Stephen Colbert, Conan, and is about to beat Jon Stewart in late night TV ratings. I mean, a gay host with a pet turtle winning over a bro who interviews boring government geeks? Okay we guess that makes sense. We'll take Kim's alcoholism over global warming any day. Fuck team Edward, TEAM ANDY.
So betches, usually we like to playfully rip apart our Betch of the Week, but in all honesty we can't this week. We fucking love Andy Cohen. I mean, what's not to love? This guy is the VIP of Bravo and already has one more Emmy than we do. So like, bravo for that.