July 6, 2011
This week’s betch of the week has been inspiring us to dress like a slut ever since we were eight years-old. She is the Queen of teen pop, she’s sold over 100 million records worldwide, and she’s the best selling female artist from 2000-2010. Love her a lot or like her a little, she’s Britney Fucking Spears.
Hardcore betches have loved Britney since the days of the Mickey Mouse Club, and have been vehemently stalking her life ever since. Little betches-in-training everywhere were hooked ever since they hit play on their cassette players; "Hit Me Baby One More Time" was the first glimpse into our betchy futures. In addition to dressing like a slut in her super-crop-top, she danced like one too, and was fucking amazing at it.
Not only were we hooked on the songs, but the videos were insanely cool. Who else could pull off a drugged up snake as an ultra chic necklace? From making sweaty look sexy in "I'm A Slave 4 U" to her betchy deny till you die antics about her virginity and romance with Justin Timberlake, Britney has been killing it since she hit puberty.
Brit even made an album devoted to every betch’s favorite activity. Blacking out.
Okay, so she became the BSCB for like six months. Shit makes sense, Britney’s had a tough life trying to hide from the media and having to deal with annoying people from PETA and that loser hick Kevin Federline. The media seriously had to stop giving her so much shit for putting her son on her lap, everyone knows that’s what the nanny is for. Whatever, Britney came back with Circus and was better than fucking ever. Who cares if she’s medicated to the point of incoherence, betch can still perform.
Our fav Britney quotes are as follows:
"Tony Blair? I`ve never heard of him either. Who is he?"
"The cool thing about being famous is traveling. I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff."
"I'm rich, freakin' rich. It's crazy."
Britney will remain in our hearts forever. If legendary Betch Madonna thought she was worth making out with in front of millions of people, then her music is definitely worth listening to. She even added dubstep to "Hold It Against Me!" Need we say more? For all of you haters, either shut the fuck up or go listen to Xtina’s You Are Beautiful, or some shit. You’re clearly not a betch. Regardless, we can’t wait to see what’s next for our favorite pop star. It's Britney, Betch.