January 28, 2013
Say what you want about this betch, like how she’s not anorexic looking enough (yet) or how she has more moles than Daniel Craig’s back in Girl with a Dragon Tattoo, but she is the girl on fire…this week anyway. She’s nominated for an Oscar and rumor has it she’s now banging BCoop on the sly, which is the hottest fucking play in our silver lining playbook. Jenny proved her betchiness by quoting Mean Girls in one of her awards speeches and proved she would fight to the death after she shoved her Golden Globe win down no-show Meryl Streep’s strep throat. We don’t even care that the “I beat Meryl” line was a stolen movie quote, anyone that publicly owns Miranda Priestly is betchier than any devil in Prada.
While we didn’t care for her Madonna inspired cone boobs Golden Globes dress, she can throw down with our girl Chelsea anytime, giving her on-air advice like “You should start exercising your vagina.” She admits to not doing shit most of the time and is so cool that she almost killed people because she thought she saw Honey Boo Boo. And as an added bonus, she can shoot you in the face with a bow and arrow if you piss her off, which probably comes in handy after she casually says whatever the fuck she wants. Arrow in your back is the new fuck off face. Thank you very much Miss Katniss.
In a Rolling Stones interview: “If there’s one thing people take from this article, it should be the lack of support for day-drinking in LA”
On her Golden Globe Award: “Oh what does it say? I beat Meryl!”
Describing herself: “Very well-rounded and practically perfect.”
On how to shoot a bow and arrow: “And if you hold the bow and arrow like this and put your shoulders back, it makes your tits look better.”
On lying bitches and working out: “I hate saying ‘I like exercising.’ I want to punch people who say that in the face.”