Am I a Loser if I Make My Relationship Facebook Official? Ask a Pro

By The Head Pro

Dear Head-Pro,

As a 21 year old virgin-betch I have grown accustomed to telling guys NO a lot and saying that I don't even wanna give a b-j. I'm just curious as to why guys metamorphose into assholes and ignore betches after we say no. at least have the decency to acknowledge a girl. It's not like we kicked them in the nuts, we made-out and just because I don't want the D doesn't mean you're not a sexy dude. So why the assholery?



The assholery is because once you reach a certain age, you get pretty accustomed to a makeout sesh ending in at least some genital touching. It’s obviously your prerogative if you have an aversion to all things sexual, but stop being surprised if grown men get a little prickly when you won’t even let them touch your boobs. Sex is just something lots of adults like to do. Also, not every man will react that way, so in a way they’re doing you a favor by helping you weed out the guys who aren’t cool with your personal choices.


Dear Head Pro,

I am quite the active betch. Now that the weather is warming up I have been moving my runs outside and off of the treadmill. Last week while on a trail run I stepped wrong and completely fucked up my knee and tore some shit. I am on crutches and potentially getting surgery just waiting on some MRI results. Anyways last week I also got some bro's number from one of our mutual friends who thinks we would be a good match. We have been texting the past few days and we are going out this weekend. We haven't officially met yet and I am wondering if it's going to be super fucking random if I just show up to meet him on crutches. Is this going to be like a turn off, or do guys even really care? Ugh not to mention I have to wear a giant brace on my knee. How unsightly. What is a betch to do?


Crippled Betch

I wouldn’t worry about it. I hooked up with an amputee once and didn’t bat an eyelash. If anything, he’ll appreciate that you approach exercise with the appropriate gusto.

Dear Head Pro,

Here's a question that I think a lot of fellow betches like myself struggle with. When is it appropriate to go FBO?

This is my personal situation to provide some context. I've been exclusively hooking up with this guy for the past few months, and we recently made it official with the label. He wants to make it FBO, but am I crazy for not wanting to publish the intimate details of my love life to 3,000 of my so-called friends? I obviously really like this guy and don't mean to insult him, but why are some people more gun-ho about going FBO than others? Any of your overall impressions on going FBO would be helpful!


More of a Winklevoss Girl

Seriously, who cares? Facebook is not real life. If you want to avoid confusion, don’t go FBO without first being official IRL. You can also agree to be FBO but keep your relationship status private if that’s your thing. Although, if you don’t feel comfortable with your “friends” knowing about your relationship, why are you friends with them at all?

Dear Head Pro,

High school graduation is coming up for this betch in training and I'm feeling a little rebellious. I've been thinking about getting my nipples pierced for my 18th birthday. I know that this particular piercing has a stigma for being whore-ish but I wanted to get your opinion. Are nipple piercings trashy and a turn-off or sexy and fun?


Holy Ta Ta's

Again, depends on the guy, but I personally find them trashy. I wouldn’t kick a girl out of bed if that’s where I discovered them, but I probably wouldn’t invite her in the first place if I already knew she had them. Feeling rebellious is fine, but I think it would hurt too fucking much to be worth it. Still, it’s better than a tattoo if you insist upon doing something pointless to your body.




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