February 4, 2015
The Magic Mike XXL trailer was released this morning, and it’s everything you would expect from a sequel about strippers. The scene opens on everyone's favorite Thumb Thumb, Channing Tatum, working with power tools in a dark garage, to remind us all that he is indeed a man.
At first you’re unsure if it really is Channing, because his face is covered with a metal worker’s mask despite the fact that his arms remain completely unprotected in a muscle tee, because fuck safety protocol, right? But then the first beat of Ginuwine’s Pony hits and you know. Channing looks around bewildered (how does he communicate facial expressions through a steal mask? Pure artistry) and demurely shakes his head, as we all do when the bodacious beats of our past stripper lives come back to haunt us while we’re doing metal work. Oh so slowly, Channing begins to grind into his tool table, which seems unsafe for a lot of reasons but he’s goddamn Magic Mike and he’ll do as he pleases. Sparks are flying to the beat of Ginuwine and at this point the audience is probably unsure if they’re watching a movie trailer or a very specific niche porno. But soon, the nostalgia is too much for Channing. He abandons his mask and tools and leaps back into his first love: dancing on tables in rooms by himself.
From there it’s a montage of aggressive hip thrusting, suggestive soda popping, Matt Bomer’s perfect face, and grinding. Oh, the grinding. Pony is still playing in the background because no other song could truly encapsulate the message that Magic Mike XXL is trying to send to the world, which I believe is something along the lines of "we’re gonna get as close to having sex with you in a movie theatre as we can, 50 Shades of Gray be damned.”
The trailer ends with “you’re welcome.” It’s like they think they’re us or something. It's still unclear what the XXL is in reference too. Their egos? The general size of Joe Manganiello? I guess we're just going to have to see it to find out.