September 16, 2013
After last night's episode of Breaking Bad, there can't ever be an argument in the future/history of conversations it isn't the best show on TV -- the only rival I could think of is that one really dramatic episode of The Hills when Lauren and Justin Bobby exchanged dirty looks at Les Deux.
Instead of breathing during that mind blowing convo [SPOILERS, fucking duh] between Walt and Jesse about Jane we decided to write a list of the top 10 hottest bros of Breaking Bad. Seeing as number 10 is Gus Fring POST explosion, the bar wasn't set too high. (Sorry to all of you die hard Tuco Salamanca fans, his sexy grillz were just slightly less attractive than half of Gus' face.)
This guy was so hot that he was able to withstand the fiery temperatures of an actual explosion (for at least 10 seconds). But even during those 10 seconds he revealed his fit and perfectly sculpted facial muscles. No fat! #thinspo. I mean for a man that spends most of his time at a chicken fast food joint one would think he'd indulge in a nugget or two during a painful Monday afternoon. But no this bro has got pollo power. And on top of that all, half of Gus' face is way sexier than Gale's (who clearly did not make the cut for this list). Homeboy wears crocs. Then there was also this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=as9URQyxtbY.
PS Gus was gay right? (i.e. his boyf was his dead partner from the cartel flashback?)...in that case +10 for achieving #52 Gay BFF status.
OMG how cute is Mike? When he wasn't surprise-sniping people he was being the good father figure Jesse never had. Mike's hot in that "herro gwampa!" kind of way where you would never want to imagine the guy naked but you'd die just to give him one big fucking hug.
This bro has worn so many fluorescent pink, purple, green and red silky button downs you'd be shocked to find out he's not THE fashion icon of the entire southwest. Saul is the face of Albequerque and considering the lot of New Mexico's fine gentlemen (Gomie, Combo, Skinny Pete, Hector Salamanca and his bell) he's a pretty smart choice. Also, there's nothing sexier than a man who works in a semi-oval office with the enlarged constitution as wallpaper. Remember, don't drink and drive, but if you do, better call Saul.
Ugh. Ted is on this list because Ted is generally good looking but that doesn't stop me from hating him. He's so scummy that I would sooner accept a date with Huell than feast my eyes on Beneke balls.
I love Badger because he's SO stupid but so lovable. Badger is that stoner (also meth head but we'll ignore that for now) with whom you want to blaze because of his absurdly moronic ideas and rants about things that make no sense but in some weird strange reality they totally do and for a second you're like, "could this idiot possibly be the smartest guy ever?" Like when Jesse asks him to crash at his place B responds, "Yeah that's cool and all, but I think I got like this cat? Think I'm like supposed to feed it."
Oh Hank, the little engine that couldn't. During this season or season 5b of Breaking Bad Hank has been pretty sexy. It's almost as if his in-between-seasons shit was so big that it dropped him 25 pounds! Minus that time that he was a rock --excuse me-- crystal collector a la Spencer Pratt, Hank has always been that badass beer bellied hot man that we'd all secretly want to have sex with, but like, ew.
Mr. White doesn't belong on this list but Heisenberg definitely does. When Walt transforms into Heizybitch with that chapeau and sunnies and lowers his head a bit I get all tingly inside. That crazy asshole (specifically during seasons 2-4) when he's in full beast mode is really steamy. By no means is Walt (not Heisenberg) good looking... sure he's brilliant which gives him some nerd points but his love for molecules doesn't really spread a girl's legs if you know what I mean. And his Pontiac Aztek doesn't do him any favors either.
I know right, since when is that Todd's last name? Todd is number three on this list for the sole reason that we're scared that if he found out he didn't make the top three he and his eerie blonde eyebrows will murder us in our sleep and then like, keep an eyeball in a jar as a souvenir. He is also casually related to neo-nazis so we're not fucking around.
Put aside the fact that there is actually no name worse than Flynn, Walter Jr. is shadily so hot. If one day he was like Hey girl, wanna get breakfast sometime my mom pours the meanest Raisin Bran, I'd definitely be like Hell yeah and maybe after Louis can give us a ride somewhere? And he'd be like Hell is a bad word, but yes we can maybe do that, we'll see how breakfast goes.
WHY Jesse Pinkman have to be the most gorgeous man alive!? Thank you Vince Gilligan for not killing him off after season one. When Jesse isn't wearing a monochrome outfit in yellow or doing meth, and eventually stops crying, he's absolutely the most gorgeous bro alive. He tightropes the line between adorable and sexy in such a successful way that the world may flood from the tears of girls (and guys) if he dies in the next two episodes. Ugh, a hot badass with a moral compass? Where do we find such perfection? Here's a hint: instagram.com/glassofwhiskey