Listen up betches, just because you’re a precious, unique snowflake doesn’t mean parts of you aren’t a little predictable. Obviously we’re talking about your horoscope. So you already know the basic traits of your sign, but who cares if you’re “stubborn” or “indecisive”? Isn’t everyone? Let’s get into the real stuff. How does your horoscope sign affect your relationships? Or more specifically, your breakup style? Let’s find out, so that you can finally know the best tactics for you to rip out someone’s heart and stomp on it.
Aquarius
Though you like to think of yourself as a coldhearted ice queen, the truth is you just want someone strong enough to break down your walls. You’re like Aurora in that castle full of thorns. If he can’t handle a dragon or witch, how is he going to handle you? Therefore when you break up with someone, you tend to get icy and retreat back into hiding. You’re not one for sentimental texts with your ex. You also value independence in your relationship, which means you don’t tend to be co-dependent and you believe in a clean break.
Pisces
You thrive when you’re alone and you have no problem being single. That being said, you don’t take romance lightly, which means if you’re going through a breakup you’re going to be a hot mess. You’re like Reese Witherspoon in Cruel Intentions—you’re careful about getting involved but once you’ve chosen someone they can’t get out from under your grasp affections. You also don’t do short-term relationships, maybe because it’s so hard to break up with you, so if you’re going through a breakup then you’re probably getting over a long-term relationship, which means you’ll recruit all your friends to help you get through it.
Aries
You’re loud and not afraid to let someone know you like them. This also means when you’re going through a breakup, you can’t promise not to drunk text your ex… at least a few dozen times. You’ll probably have at least three false alarms of “I’m over it” moments before you actually pull through. You’ll have the urge to “win him back” with some big show of affection, but trust us, just put that energy into your friends and family instead. You’re too good for him, it’s time to move along.
Taurus
You’re the girl Ludacris sang about, the lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets. Taurus are well-balanced in every way, which means you are both physical and emotionally in tune. You’ll think of your relationship sweetly, but you’re not one to pine away in agony over a lost love. You’ll rebound hard and probably meet your next bae accidentally while you’re at it. You can’t help it you’re so popular.
Gemini
You are so indecisive that one day you’ll feel like you just lost your true love and the next day you’ll feel like freedom is the best thing you ever had. You are a volatile lover, which means you probably fought a lot with your ex, but the makeup sex was that much better. Because of your indecisiveness, there’s probably a line of backburner bros who think you’re “mysterious” and can’t wait to be your rebound. You’ll have no trouble flirting your way out of heartbreak, but brace yourself because when emotions hit, they hit hard. Just keep your besties on speed dial and make sure you’ve still got a Netflix or HBO login and you’ll be good.
Cancer
You’re so stable that even the adults in your life come to you for advice. Like, you probably have coached your drunk boss through his or her heartbreak on occasion. Going through a breakup is rough for you because you made compromises in your relationship and believed that it would be worth it if you made it work. So you’re probably really hating on your ex right now while also trying to “understand” where they’re coming from (answer: hell). You are going to stalk your ex hard on social media under the guise of “making sure they’re ok”. You secretly hope they realize how much they actually needed you, but this also means you probably thought you were better than them the whole time (fair) so maybe you are better off without them tbh.
Leo
You’re ready to get back out the night of your breakup. You’ll probably get trashed and avoid your emotions for as long as physically possible. You’re a passionate but also attention-loving betch which means you’ll definitely rebound like Kobe until you forget why you were even in a relationship to begin with. You’re going to miss your ex a lot, though, mainly because being with someone made you realize how awesome you are and you like to be reminded of that more often. Your breakup style is to get out there and let your charm do all the work.
Virgo
You take your time when you’re falling in love, which means you take your time falling out of love. You might not end up dating again for another year, and you know this because a lot of time goes by between relationships for you. So this means you take your breakup slowly, knowing that even though most people would have moved on by now, you still find chances to bring up your ex nonchalantly. Like, your co-workers might be talking about getting a cat and you’ll casually mention “when my ex and I got our first cat, we knew right away we wanted to keep him…” blah blah, point is, your head is going to be stuck in relationship mode well past its expiration date. But once you meet the next “love of your life” you’ll transfer everything over like a well run Swiss bank: no leaks.
Libra
You’re more about the romance than the sex, so chances are by the time you broke up with your ex, the sex wasn’t even that good. You’re not a volatile person, so if it ended it was probably for the best. You’re very sweet which means you’ll be the one comforting him while he tries to get over you. Most likely you just got bored and needed to get out of the relationship. If he broke up with you, you probably didn’t want to admit it, but you could do better. You’ll find someone more interesting and forget he even existed.
Scorpio
Once you let someone in your heart, they’re never getting out. You might pretend you’ve let them out, but they don’t know you still have the real key. What this means is you’ll probably know he has a new girlfriend before they’ve even officially called each other boyfriend/girlfriend. You can sense everything about all your exes—when they’re doing well and when they’re not, the precise number of cocktails he will drink before he drums up the courage to text you, that sort of thing—and even though you claim to not be jealous, everyone knows better than to bring up your relationship. You’ll get over it by using your sex appeal to rebound and meet someone who adores you, meanwhile you’ll be pining for all the people who didn’t reciprocate your feelings. A Scorpio is never done breaking up, but a Scorpio’s also always in love, so it kind of balances out.
Sagittarius
You’re a free spirit who doesn’t like feeling tied down. You love your partners with sweetness and kindness, but that doesn’t mean your kindness can’t be cruel to someone who wants you to care more than you do. You just have so much love to give you don’t want to commit to one person. So when you break up with someone you’re ready to see what the next thing is. You’re probably a little relieved when it’s over, and you can’t wait to cut your hair and go shopping so you can figure out what the “new you” is. You might go to Vegas or Australia, or just like, a different bar than the one you always go to, just somewhere fun where you can show off your haircut and appreciate being single.
Capricorn
You’re stubborn about what you want, which means once you’ve decided you want something, that’s just what’s going to happen. So if you’re the one who broke up with him, there’s no going back no matter what. But if you’re determined to get him back then he’ll be back and you both know it. That doesn’t mean anything’s going to change, but it does mean you will go into the breakup with a very clear idea of how to get out of it. You’ve literally looked at bouncers who’ve told you no and just laughed and walked right in, so a breakup is no different. Like okay, you want to end this relationship? That’s cute. Cut to two years from now he’s going to be picking out a ring. Sorry, but you just get what you want.
