September 23, 2015
You clicked the title of this article so you know what you're in for and I'm gonna dive right in---this week while we over here in the states were focusing on Donald Trump's most recent whatever, British Prime Minister David Cameron is fighting allegations that he...uh...how do I say this....
David Cameron might have mouth fucked a dead pig in college. There. I said. it. UGH.
I guess this puts Jeb Bush's recent weed smoking admission into perspective?
So why did the PM put his P in a dead pig's M? The same reason why any college aged bro puts his dick in anything--- to join a frat. Or, more specifically, to join a fancy Harry Potter version of a frat called the Piers Gaveston Society. Piers Gaveston is apparently considered Oxford's (read: Hogwarts') "coolest" drinking club, so I guess it's like KA or something.
Anyway, in order to declare himself a servant of Lord Voldemort, DC got a BJ from a DP (dead pig).
Let me repeat so that this is clear - Freshman Cam wanted into this club so badly, that a new biography of him is claiming to have seen photographic evidence (omg) of the PRIME MINISTER OF BRITAIN PUTTING HIS DICK INSIDE A PIG'S MOUTH WHILE ANOTHER PIERS GAV MEMBER HOLDS IT IN HIS LAP.
Uhm...so....in America this is a little thing we like to call "hazing" and David Cameron might want to look into getting some laws on the books about it. If I can't make a freshman take 5 shots, rip a bong, and then organize my shoe collection during pledge week, then you def can't fuck a dead pig in the mouth. Sorry but that's just like, fair.
The guy who wrote the biography, Lord Ashcroft, claims that these allegations are verified but Cameron, obviously, is all like "Lord Ashcroft is spreading rumors about me!"
All I have to say about this is that I dgaf how cool the Piers Gaveston society is, don't put your junk in a dead pig's mouth and let someone snap a pic of you. Like, I'd do a lot of things to get into Taylor Swift's girl gang but that's not one of them.
Maybe if I would be immediately declared a Kardashian/Jenner with all the rights and privileges thereof but also....no...I probably still wouldn't get eaten out by a dead pig.
Anyway, I have no fucking clue what to think about this other than that I'm proud that Obama never fucked a dead pig.
I can't believe I had to say that. No citizen should ever have to say that.
NOTE: People are referring to this incident as Cameron's "Bae of Pigs" which is very very funny.
DOUBLE NOTE: If you haven't seen the first episode of 'Black Mirror' check it out. It's all on Netflix and uh...this incident is prophesied.