British Schoolboys Steal from Auschwitz

By Betch Ivy Carter

For most humans with a heart and any shred of a soul, a trip to a concentration camp is a time for severe reverence and utmost respect as you reflect on the horrors of history. For some fuckboys from the Perse School in Cambridge, it’s a time to steal souvenirs.

A couple of cheeky lads looking for some right banter were wandering around Block 5 of Auschwitz, where Holocaust victims’ confiscated possessions were stored, when they decided to pick up a comb, a few shards of glass, some buttons, and razor fragments off the floor. To be clear, this wasn’t just the ground outside the museum. This is an area that the Nazi’s burned down in a half-assed attempt to cover up the horrible shit they had done, where archeologists and historians are still finding new artifacts. What kind of MacGyver shit the kids were planning to do with these objects, the world will never know.

When caught by security, Benedict and Reginald (not their real names, but they’re British so we can only assume) apologized and said they “had done it without thinking.” Had they not complied, the boys could have faced 10 years in Polish prison, which probably would have made almost as entertaining television as Orange is the New Black. No news has been released on the long-term ramifications of their actions.

Deputy district prosecutor Dariusz Slomka said that the two 17 year olds were very apologetic and “appeared unaware of the tragic history of Auschwitz.” Say what you will about the American school system, but at least we managed to cover the “tragic history” of the most prolific death camp of World War II.





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