Bro Breakdown: The 'Bachelorette' Contestants

So I’m a 31-year-old man who live-tweets The Bachelor (and starting Monday night, The Bachelorette). This isn’t exactly where I saw my life going. At my age, my parents had a second kid on the way and I’m trying to get a joke about a girl probably having herpes to under 140 characters. Life isn’t perfect, but The Bachelor (and The Bachelorette) is a perfect show. A group of people of the same sex try to get the attention of one person of the opposite sex. The struggle to get noticed, keep someone’s attention, invite them to your fantasy suite, and dump them the next morning is way more relatable to our own dating lives than we’d all like to admit. It’s no wonder the franchise is in fact, a franchise (20 seasons with spinoffs et al). So consider this your Bachelorette preview and follow me on Twitter for live tweets every episode. Please remember, I’m just a straight guy who watches on the couch with his brother and these are all snap judgements based on how I’d act in a similar situation. And especially for this preview, all I have is a picture and a one-line description (except for JoJo). I know nothing and everything all at once. Let's begin:


At the end of The Bachelor it was leaked that Caila would be the next Bachelorette. Women of America and I flipped out. Caila was just too fake. I know that sounds ridiculous when it comes to a reality show. But people loved JoJo for the same reason they love Khloé Kardashian and Lord Disick: she was a little bit real. She didn’t fall too fast for Ben. She seemed to talk like a real person. She had the perfect breasts. For whatever reason, she was someone we all felt like we could hang with on a week-to-week basis while talking shit about the friend who wasn’t at the party. This is why there’s some buzz for this season. We feel like the bullshit will be called.




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