September 12, 2014
Today marks the 37th birthday of one of our favorite rapper/philosophers: Tauheed Epps, also known as TityBoi, also known as 2Chainz, also known as 2CHAAAAAIIIINZZZZ!!!
Betches love 2Chainz because he’s old enough to be our dad, but he still raps about doing lines of coke off strippers’ asses. Okay I’m not sure if that’s from an actual 2Chainz song or just a page out of 2Chainz’s autobiography but either way, he is the best. We love how underneath those dreads and all two chains, our boy is really a materialistic betch at heart. I mean he literally wants to get buried inside the Louis store, which makes me sort of pissed I didn’t think of that first but whatever.
Not to mention, TityBoi has revolutionized the English language as we know it. I mean, who even spells true with the e anymore? Who even just says “true” anymore? Betches know when something is true, it’s not just true, it’s TRUUUUUUUUUUUUU.
But this wouldn’t be a proper broast of 2Chainz without mentioning his best feature: homeboy is fucking hilarious. His lyrics are either completely absurd, a bit thought-provoking, or a combination of both. Let’s take a look at some of my fave lines:
“I been getting’ money, where the fuck you been?” In case you missed it, you just got burned, 2Chainz style.
“If I stand on my bankroll, n*gga I’d be scared of heights”
“GI-VEN-CHY n*gga God bless you” Full disclosure I only realized he was saying Givenchy like two weeks ago but oh man was it worth the wait.
“I get high any fly past, I don’t know nothin’ bout iChat / I work in this iPhone, they need an app called iTrap” Move over, Walter White. 2Chainz has an app for that. #RapGameSteveJobs.
“If you listen to me I’m so underground you have to sit on the floor”
“I just thought I seen a spaceship / Right, right past my airline / Everybody knows I dumps that / White girl like Kevin Federline” Comin’ at you with the throwback-insult combo! Could this get any better? It can’t.
I could go on forever considering 2Chainz has put out more mixtapes than years I’ve been alive, but I think you get the picture. All hail King Chainz.
So happy birthday, Mr. Chainz. I truly hope all your wishes come true and that you finally get a big booty ho.