November 20, 2013
As any betch who hasn't been living under a rock in Guam knows, Adam Levine has officially been named People's Sexiest Man Alive.
There's no denying that this little Jew-without-a-fro is universally hot. Between his regular job as sexy musician and the only member of Maroon 5 whose name I know, his side job which is getting paid to judge people on The Voice, and his moves (inspired by Jagger, fucking duh), we can almost forgive his his tattoo sleeves and frequent use of payphones. Don't act like you don't use them all the time Adam, we know you spent all your change.
Still, what's not to love about a bro whose voice is almost so high pitched only dogs can hear it? He's also casually obsessed with yoga like any true betch, and if that wasn't enough to convince you he's secretly one of us, he also has ADD and his very own fashion line. So while we're obviously thrilled with Adam as the sexiest man, we can't help but wonder what the other maroon 4 think. Is this love taking its toll on them?
Finally, here are some of our favorite quotes by A-Lev.
On #36 not doing work: 'The Voice' was the first real job I've ever had that wasn't just messing around with music.
On #72 yoga: Let's face it, I only practice yoga because the classes are always packed with beautiful women.
On #112 talking about yourself: Before I go on stage I pretend that everyone loves me.
And I think I have a distinct voice.
I have a high self-opinion - I don't need to hide that. I don't need to be self-deprecating.
I play in a band, I write songs, I sing, you know, perform on stage.