July 8, 2014
Today Jaden Smith turns 16, which means he’s getting broasted and also probably his learner's permit. Drivers everywhere (or I guess just in the LA area) should try to be less aggressively stupid on the road today due to the new addition of this space captain.
Anyway, aside from being the spawn of one of our fave Hollywood power couples, Jaden is the most entertaining Smith kid. Sorry Willow, but creepy pseudo-sexual photos aside, you’ve failed to maintain any staying power past I Whip My Hair Back and Forth, much to everyone’s shock. Do better.
Like, does anyone remember a year ago when Jaden wanted to be emancipated from his family? A 15-year-old who has clearly never worked a day in his life, much less put the toilet seat down, wants to go live on his own? Good one. No doubt Will and Jada sent him to live with his auntie and uncle in Bel Air after that stunt.
He’s also a “rapper” and I’m not going to say that he’s hilariously awful, but I will say that he has a song called “The Coolest” and the first lines are, “It’s the coolest of the coolest / it’s the smoothest of the smoothest,” so I’ll let you be the judge of that.
All of that is just precursory though because hands down the best thing about Jaden Smith is his Twitter account. Three words: laughs for days. It totally makes sense that his parents are Scientologists because this kid def lives on another planet. It also serves as a friendly reminder of why you shouldn’t both publically and permanently document every single thought that occurs to you while cross-faded.
Here are some of Jaden's hall of fame-worthy tweets that will have you questioning the meaning of life and also if this kid has a brain:
Resting betch face. Nailed it.
So uh, is no one wondering who sold acid to a pre-teen?
That must be the scientology influence.
So happy birthday, Jaden. If you get blackout tonight you can always just claim your dad zapped you with one of those memory sticks. Which now that I think about it would actually explain a lot.