July 22, 2013
Today's broast obviously goes to the future king of England, newest member of the Lucky Sperm Club, and the only bro we can forgive for being so #108 late. This fetus has already gotten more private time than any of his royal relatives combined, it's time to face the paparazzi bro.
Weighing in at our goal weight of 8 and a half pounds, it's still unknown whether he's inherited Prince William's receding hairline. Unfortunately the British apparently don't deem this information worthy of inclusion in the royal birth announcement. And honestly we're fine with not knowing his name yet because it has no chance of being trendy or weird and we're almost totally sure it'll be either Edward, Phillip, Henry, or James with a random numeral tacked on. Snoozefest.
Meanwhile in America, Suri Cruise breathes again, and the crazy royal stalkers begin a 30-year countdown to this bro's wedding.