February 11, 2015
The gender-transitioning, facially-reconstructed he-she formerly known as Bruce Jenner is back in the news, and this time it’s not about his recent decision to journey into womanhood. Turns out Brucella was involved in a fatal car accident in Calabasas (shouldn’t it be Kalabasas by now?) If you watch the news and/or the very reputable E! network, this is not new information for you, but you may not have fully grasped what this could mean for the reality star.
This Saturday, Bruce's Escalade rear-ended the Lexus of a 69-year old widow. Skid marks on the road prove he attempted to stop but obvi not soon enough seeing as he hit the car hard enough for it to crash into oncoming traffic, killing the driver. In an attempt to save his ass, Bruce tried to blame the swarming paparazzi for his erratic driving, but witnesses claim he was not being chased (despite his escalating diva status). Some claim he had a cell phone in his hand before the crash occurred, which is bad news for Bruce because of California’s hands-free law aka no driving while using your phone. Investigators are looking into the phone records to see if he was in fact not-so-hands-free at the time of the crash. This could means being charged with manslaughter and jail time, which would be pretty bad timing seeing as he’s supposed to be a woman by summer (Orange Is The New Black flashbacks, anyone?).
Most likely Bruce will not be charged and he’ll continue living life unscathed just like the rest of the Kardashian Klan. But unlike Kris, he is showing at least some remorse for fucking up other people’s lives. He came out with a statement calling the incident a “devastating tragedy” and is supposedly cooperating with police. It’s pretty safe to say 2015 had been a shit show for this guy, making us all want to bawl our eyes out while shouting “LEAVE BRUCELLA ALONE!”