November 13, 2014
Unlike most of our preteen relics, Build-A-Bear is one that has actually survived and is still in business to this day. Unfortunately, it’s not like any betch could still go in there to relive her glory days because that would be super creepy and could possibly land you on the sex offender registry.
When Build-A-Bear came out it was the shit. A Subway for teddy bears? Pretty fucking revolutionary if you ask me.
If there’s one thing betches love, regardless of age, it’s material things that are pretty over-priced for what you’re getting, and $30 stuffed bears naturally fit right in. Build-A-Bear was a classic, always on the betch’s must-list of mall stores (right after Abercrombie). Walking into Build-A-Bear was like stepping into Santa’s workshop, or I mean that’s what I gathered from having watched Elf 65 times on TV. Once you picked your limp, lifeless shell of a bear, you got to pump it full of stuffing and give it the little red heart you never had.
Next it was onto every betch’s favorite part: wardrobe to create her own little mini-me. You could outfit your Build-A-Betch with everything from a fake velour track suit and fake little Uggs, to a fake tiny Tiffany necklace, to whatever else was relevant and in fashion back then. Then you bought it a purse and some shit and put some bows in its hair which were really for your hair later on. Then you’d go to the station and give it a name and bear-th certificate (like birth certificate? Get it? I actually made that up), but nobody gave a fuck about that part. The best part of it all was the moment of glory when you walked out holding your huge-ass cardboard house, looking like the baddest betch in the mall.
We took our Build-A-Bears home and thanked our parents for shelling out over $50 for some furry fabric. I mean, even though they were expensive af they still weren’t as absurd as American Girl Dolls, so that’s something, right? The fact that they sat either on our beds or on a shelf and were basically never touched again is irrelevant. I mean if you were still buying stuffed animals to actually cuddle with past the age of 6 you probably were also the type of kid who wore one of those infamous GAP sweatshirts well into high school.