April 15, 2014
Here’s your important business news for the week.
You should’ve filed your taxes by this week. Besides that, we don’t really give a shit. Moving on…
Attention, coffee addicts: for just $45 a month, a new app called CUPS will allow you to get unlimited coffee from around 40 independently owned shops throughout the NYC area. The app is intended to be sort of an alternative version of a loyalty card you would get through other shops, like Starbucks. But it took me, like, SO long to get my gold card! The $45 will only cover drip, brewed, pour-over, or filtered coffee. For those betches who do the skinny vanilla latte thing, CUPS unlimited latte plan goes for $85 a month. Good job, CUPS, but until you can get someone to literally bring iced coffee to my bed every morning, I’m really not that impressed. Read article>>
Fruit of the Loom is tricking dumb Europeans into paying wayyy too much for their “higher end” line, available only in Berlin and London. The new premium brand is called “Seek No Further” and was created to capitalize on the positive memories Europeans have associated with Fruit of the Loom products. According to the brand’s business developer, Antoine Thieser, in the U.S. we just don’t see Fruit of the Loom’s sexy side (no fucking shit, their commercial is a bunch of guys dressed up like giant fruit). “Everybody here has a story of the brand” Thieser said, ‘Oh, it reminds me of when I was young’—there are so many things people were doing in these T-shirts!”. Calm down, Antoine. We’ve seen European PDA. Please stop talking before this gets awkward. Read article>>
As many of you may already heard, a web security bug known as “Heartbleed” is causing major problems in the tech world. But in addition to the mess it's already made, according to a recent announcement by Google, smart phones and tablets running a specific version of Android were also affected by the bug and might have had personal information (like passwords) leaked. Google gives you a lot of tips on how to make sure you don’t have the bug, but follow our advice instead: get a fucking iPhone. It’s 2014 and you’re still texting on Blackberry’s slightly cooler cousin. Bug or not, you really just brought this on yourself. Read article >>