June 16, 2014
So here is my dilemma. I just got back from a 2 week vacation to Paris for a cousin's wedding and general drinking/shopping. During one of my last nights there I met a strapping young lad at a local pub frequented during my stay. He's been living in Paris for a couple months on some sort of sabbatical for his job. Wasn't really paying attention, I literally got lost in his eyes. His mouth was moving but all I was thinking about was how he would look naked in my bed. Safe to say, we got along swimmingly, he is actually j'adorable. (see what i did there) So, we are a couple drinks in and well into a deep flirty conversation about past relationships when my aunt spots us and heads over. (shes not a like a regular aunt, shes a cool aunt) First thing she says? "Oh lovely! you guys have met! You know you're second cousins right?"
PLOT TWIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I heard a huge screeching halt sound in my head. What in the actual fuckkkkkkk. As I'm sure you can imagine, it totally killed our vibe and we couldnt really look each other in the eye after that.. Anyway here is my question. He added me on Facebook and we have been chatting here and there.. definitely holding back but still sort of flirting. Is it nasty that I still want to hook up with him despite
the fact that we basically share the same blood? Cuz like, theres your cousins.. and then theres your first cousins.. wait thats not right is it...
HELP ME. HES SO HOT WHAT DO I DO?!?
Dear Kissing Cousins,
I'm going to ignore your annoying j'adorable statement and just chalk it up to you being slightly nuts, which you'd have to be if you're really considering pursuing a relationship with your cousin. Now, it's not even like you're in the territory of 4th or 5th cousins where you have no idea how you're even related, second cousins are very simple to understand. They're the children of your parent's cousins. It's fucking creepy. Plus, this guy lives in Paris. Are you telling me that the dating pool where you live is so small that you're actually considering entering an LDR with someone who you would probably wind up producing special needs children with? What are you going to tell your kids? That mommy and daddy have the same great grandparents because well, blah blah blah Hapsburg princes did it blah blah. No. Just no.
It's fine to think your second cousin is hot but just stay away from that shit. Aside from the creepy aspect of sharing the same bloodline, do you want to get into something with someone that's going to be at every family function for the rest of your life after you inevitably stop hooking up/hanging out/discussing the fact that you share the same ancestry. This isn't fucking Game of Thrones. If you're looking to meet guys, take up a new hobby or hit the bars, not your goddamn family reunion.