September 25, 2015
Here at Betches Love This, we love women who run shit. We believe we will see the day when a true Betch takes her place as President, so it’s important that we determine whether any female candidates hold up to our high standards of betchiness. We’ve all been talking about Hillary Clinton for long enough, so it’s time to turn our attention to the Republican Party. Carly Fiorina spent most of the summer fucking around and getting nowhere in the polls, but now most polls have her as the second-place candidate behind SAB Donald Trump. Carly was irrelevant back in July, but now she’s looking like she could be a real contender.
Carly was born in Texas, and her dad was a lawyer (typical). Carly definitely had the rich girl childhood, going to high school in London (yes England) because why not. She has degrees from Stanford, University of Maryland, and MIT, all of which are obviously really easy to get into.
Carly’s most impressive area is obviously business. She was a senior vice president at AT&T in the ‘90s before becoming the CEO of HP in 1999. We don’t know if she actually did a good job, but being a Betch is all about getting them to hire you, not actual job performance. She’s worth $59 million, which doesn’t sound huge but we probably just have really high standards.
Carly is brand new to politics, and it took her a while to get going. Until the first Republican debate, no one really gave a shit about her except for the 1% that supported her just because she has a vagina. Since the debates started, she’s been making some pretty big waves. She’s gone head-to-head with Donald Trump, who got a lot of shit for calling Carly ugly. She was also one of the only people to talk about actual political issues at the second debate, which seems kind of important but idk.
The verdict? You don’t have to like Carly’s politics, but she’s definitely a betch. She might be a little annoying, but at least her hair doesn’t look like pubes (we’re looking at you Rand Paul). Who knows if Carly’s campaign will go anywhere, but she’ll definitely be wearing nicely tailored dresses no matter what..