Carly Rae Jepsen is Controlling Our Minds

By Sabrina the Teenage Betch

After a three year hiatus, Carly Rae Jepsen has recently released her second hit single that we physically cannot stop listening to. "I Really Like You" is similar to her first song "Call Me Maybe" in that it is catchy to the point of being soul crushingly addictive, and there's really nothing else to do but listen to it on repeat all day long. I find this sketchy for a few reasons.



First, like, who is Carly Rae Jepsen? She had the wonder of all one hit wonders and then totally dropped off the face of the earth. Why didn't she get a DUI or try to date Kendrick Lamar? Very suspicious.

Second, why the eff does everyone (myself included) love her songs so much? I already have a headache thinking about the number of horrible viral videos that are going to come out of this single. She is officially two for two in her attempt to make it into the music library of every person in America. That's pretty unheard of--at least considering the extent to which she's succeeding and the fact that she's not even that hot.

All this being considered, I think it's safe to say that Carly Rae Jepsen is less of what we'd call a "pop singer" and more of a terrifying mind control device. Maybe from the government, maybe from aliens, but what's very clear is that we're all slowly but surely being brainwashed. So please, while you can, stop listening before it's too late because I really really really really really really like you! And I want you, do you want me, do you want me, too?!


**Photo credit: Greq Reiner




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