Carrot Muffins: For Your Sugar Craving

By Betchy Crocker

Do you ever crave cake but you fucking know better? Even if it’s something like, say, carrot cake, your waist and thighs cry out with a unanimous NO BETCH STOP when the evil thoughts of sugar and carbs come creeping into your brain.You don’t have to live this way. You can eat a carrot muffin and totally not freak out about ruining your body and, therefore, life, PLUS you'll be keeping the sugar thoughts at bay. Trust us, we tried and we know. We adapted and improved this shit from 100 Days of Real Food – they’re kind of organic hippies, but, like, they know something about not being fat.


  • 1 ½ cups whole wheat flour
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 2 tsps ground cinnamon
  • 1 tsp ground ginger
  • Pinch of salt
  • ½ stick of butter, softened not melted
  • ½ cup pure maple syrup (you def still have pure maple syrup from that time you did the Master Cleanse)
  • 1 egg
  • 1 cup unsweetened applesauce
  • ¾ cup carrot shreds (use a cheese grater)

Preheat the oven to 350F. Line a muffin tin with paper or spray the shit out of it with nonstick spray. Set aside.

In a medium bowl, mix together the flour, baking soda, spices, and salt. In a large bowl, mix together the butter, syrup, and egg – then SLOWLY add in the dry ingredients. Or add them in fast and get fucking flour all over yourself I don’t even care.

Carefully fold in the applesauce and carrots, and then divide the batter evenly among the muffin cups. Bake for 20-25 minutes or until a toothpick come out clean. Eat with more butter and cream and sugar on top because fuck it summer is over and you may as well enjoy yourself.





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