I know that you probably get thousands of emails on this topic but I legit need help.
I was in a long-term for 4 years so practically I wasted my entire undergrad experience since now I am senior. Anyway, since I was in a committed relationship and am a science major I never went to frat parties or anything like that. However, once I broke up with my ex I went to my first frat party at a top house where I met the house manager by accident. We hooked up the day we met because I got insanely drunk (I had never done that before ;) ).
Anyway, I thought it was going to be a one-night stand, but he ended up inviting me to another party at his house the same weekend we met. He said “I want to get to know you while you are sober, so we talked for a while and he seemed extremely interested in me because I am like really smart and pretty… I guess. We hooked up again that night and slept over and hooked up again 2 days later. The fourth time he actually came to my house bc he wanted to see my place. We hooked up, talked for a while, and he even wanted to play video games with me bc I got a PS4 but I had to wake up early the next day.
That night I texted him and asked “what was the deal with us” just because I wanted to know how serious he was since I think he is just a frat boy. He told me he didn’t want a relationship since he is also a senior, which at first I was a little confused about since he had been sending me mixed signals, but at the end I was like “fine, I am down to just hook up too bc I am also a senior and I’ve been tied down for 4 years.” We’ve been seeing each other for now a little over a month and the more I get to know him the more I like him and it is driving me nuts. He is always tells me how good I look, gets really jealous when I tell him I hung out with another guy, I mean… he is just way too nice, which confuses me even more, especially because we never use protection and see each other 2-3 times a week. ( I have a high sex drive)
I know that he does not want to give up his frat boy lifestyle and that I am too good for him bc I have goals in life and I am more into my academics than he is obviously… But idk what’s happening to me. I don’t want to stop seeing him bc we connect during sex, I mean he is really experienced bc he is slept with many people and I am experienced bc I was in a long-term so it kinda works perfectly. I guess my questions are: How do I keep seeing this guy without getting attached to him? And How do I tell him to stop being so nice and jealous if this is not going anywhere? I mean if this turns into a relationship I’ll be happy but if it doesn’t then I am okay with that too.
The Worst FWB ever.
Dear *Jean Ralphio Voice* The Wooooooorst,
Holy shit, you are the worst FWB ever but it's not for the reasons you think. Let's talk about why you're kinda bat-shit.
1. You did the "what are we" after four total hookup sessions........do you think this is normal? No wonder you didn't get a straight answer outta this bro, he probably was feeling you until you pulled a move straight out of the Overly Attached Girlfriend meme. Yikes.
2. What about this guy screams "way too nice" to you? The fact that he gets jealous when you hang out with other bros? Is it the fact that he doesn't wear a condom? Why are "nice and jealous" synonymous in your book? I am seriously confused. Don't get me wrong, he's not Satan or anything, but from your letter he sounds like...the average amount of niceness you'd find in a decent human being, honestly.
3. Are you REALLY going to be happy if this doesn't turn into a relationship? Really, you're writing asking to how to stop being attached and tried to DTR on smash sesh #4 but you're cool with him not putting a ring on it?? Really??
4. "We connect during sex" lmao
Hate to break it to you, but the SS Not Getting Attached has already sailed. It sounds like a part of you (the part that doesn't have a chip on her shoulder about people involved in greek life) actually likes this guy. And it seems like (judging by the fact that he actually made a conscious effort to get to know you sober) this bro might like you, too. The other part of you is like, maybe scared about getting into another relationship and that's why you're acting sort of high and mighty about it? IDK, that's just my best guess. But it seems like there could be some mutual feelings going on here so I say stick it out and see where things go for a little bit longer. Like, don't be a doormat and end up in a six-month almost boyfriend situation, but at the same time, 4 meet-ups does not a relationship make. If you give it some time and he continues to be shady AF, then you can decide if you want to continue on into Ambiguous Land forever or remove yourself from the situation. To do so now feels a little premature. Also, you haven't even decided what you want so you can't be mad at this bro for being undecided either.
As for how to tell him to not be jealous, you can't exactly tell people what they can and cannot feel. But I'm sure it wouldn't hurt if you stopped telling him about you hanging out with other dudes. Or you could try the "tell people what not to feel" thing, your call.
Hope you all enjoyed my first novel,
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