November 18, 2014
If you felt bad about being single before, brace yourself for a reality check: Charles fucking Manson is getting married.
Charles Manson, as in the cult leader who got a bunch of his followers to go on a murder spree in LA in 1969 that resulted in the death of Sharon Tate, an actress who had extreme betch potential. If you don't know who he is then you should probably watch an episode of Criminal Minds or something. Long story short: dude was fucking cray.
Manson was granted a marriage license on November 7, which means he has 90 days to marry his 26-year-old girlfriend Afton Burton. She calls herself Star, in case we needed more proof that she's certifiably batshit or possibly a stripper.
Luckily for their budding romance, Manson escaped the death penalty in 1972 when California went all nice girl and decided execution was unconstitutional. Whatever. Even luckier for Star, her 80-year-old serial killer husband won't be allowed any conjugal or family visits and is also spending the rest of his life in prison.
Basically, Star Manson is getting all the publicity and perks of being an infamous serial killer's wife (if those exist), without any of the obligations of marriage. So as gag worthy as this entire situation is, we have to at least recognize her dedication to not doing work.