Dear Betch, How Do I Choose Between 2 Guys?

Dear Betch,

I am currently seeing 2 guys and feel the need to choose 1 because it's stressing me out and making my karma suck. Saturday night I was out with guy #1 and guy #2 was at the same bar! With the help of a gf I managed to split my time between them, like a scene straight out of a movie. What Saturday made me realize is that I don't know which one I would rather pursue because combined I have created the perfect boyfriend. So I could use your help.

Guy 1. Met on Halloween and have been taken on a date almost every weekend since then. He's very nice and I have more time invested in him but he works second shift so I basically only see him Saturday's (hence why I'm able to have a second dude)

Pros: very tall, good occupation, good family, witty, great kisser

Cons: mediocre sex, lives at home (limited sleepovers), talks a big game without always following through, relationship illiterate (basically thinks we're dating but we've never had an exclusivity talk), schedules don't line up

Guy 2: met out at a bar the beginning of February while dude 1 went on a trip. So I haven't had enough time to hate much about him yet. Been on one 2 dates but have Friday nights out and spend Saturday's in bed.

Pros: wonderful sex, good job, has his own place, very sweet and reliable

Cons: mediocre kisser, doesn't always follow my sarcasm, has shown a couple signs of wanting to get serious already

Do I come clean and tell them I'm seeing other people? I'm not lying to either, they just haven't asked! Do I pick one over the other? They're both great guys but I honestly don't wanna stop seeing either. Should I just wait it out until one of them makes the decision easy? I don't know if I can handle another Saturday night rendezvous!

Indecisively enjoying 2 dudes.

Dear Indecisive,

Pretty confused, you’re asking me to help you pick which guy you should commit to but have listed the desire to commit as a CON for both of these dudes?? I just don’t fucking understand people. So you don’t actually want to commit to either, you just feel like you should. Okay. Makes sense.

On paper guy #2 seems like he has more of his life together and dating someone you can never see is a pain in the ass. But that’s kind of irrelevant bc if you don’t want to settle down with either of these guys….don’t? Nobody (except maybe the patriarchy, I guess) is telling you you need to pick one.

As for the whole "telling them you’re seeing other people” thing, if you really feel that bad about it you could have a reverse-DTR talk. Personally I’m more of an “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” type-person and would just keep my mouth shut until the next time one of the guys tries to like, call me his gf or whatever and casually hit him with the, “oh, awkward, I thought we were both seeing other people—at least, I am.” Some may say that’s cold but I say, shrug life.

Ladiez is pimps too,

The Betches

Dear Betch,

I've been best friends with a guy for about two and a half years. We currently live on opposite sides of the country because I have an internship for the semester, but when we're in the same location, we do everything together. We tell each other basically everything and have been setting each other up with friends since freshman year of college. Recently, I've started to see him as more than just a friend. I’ve tried to brush off the thoughts and tell myself it was just a phase. I've gone on dates with other guys but I always end up comparing them to him and don't see them again. I want to tell him how I feel, and I've tried a few times since leaving for my program (we've each visited each other) but I always end up chickening out. Lately, I've been telling myself to focus on work and deal with it when the fall term starts but now he is going to be gone on a research trip without much contact to the real world until November. So I guess my question is: do I wait until November, go out of my way to see him during the few days between my program ending and his starting (I was planning on going home which is 7 hours for school and he lives 20 minutes from school), or do I just try and move on because this could be a sign that it won't work out.

Never a good time

I couldn't think of a good "Dear ___" nickname for you, so fuck it,

I mean, the fact that you two will never really be in the same place for an extended period of time in the near future kind of is a sign that it won’t work out, at least for now. Forgetting that for a minute, if your friend really liked you and wasn’t totally socially retarded and weird, he should have gotten the ball rolling by now—but okay, I’ll give this situation the benefit of the doubt since guys aren’t exactly known for being astute. Have you ever tried trying to flirt with him subtly and then ramping things up a bit? If not, I would try that and see how he responds and gauge it from there. There’s no reason to wait until fucking NOVEMBER to make a move. That’s such an absurd concept that I won’t even comment on it. If all else fails you could also just do what most of us would do in this situation: get hammered and either a) try to make out with him or b) confess your feelings. That way if things go south you can just pull a Jamie Foxx feat. T-Pain. Is that cowardly to do? Extremely! But if done right it could work out in your favor. Or it could complicate your friendship immensely. Hard to say. Maybe go with the first thing I said.

I will take all the credit if it works out and none of the blame if it doesn't,

The Betches




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