January 21, 2015
Pious Christian folks (you know, the ones that insert their faith into places where it doesn’t necessarily belong) tend to be wonderful, loving, kind-hearted people. But, one thing’s for sure: They spend too damn much time worrying about the most frivolous shit. Case in point, Christian blogger and total MILF Veronica Partridge, whose “convictions” about yoga pants have been making the news lately:
“I tried ignoring it for as long as I could until one day a conversation came up amongst myself and a few others (both men and women). The conversation was about leggings and how when women wear them it creates a stronger attraction for a man to look at a woman’s body and may cause them to think lustful thoughts.”
Yep. In 2015, an internet-savvy person who herself is a mother to a young daughter is concerned about workout attire in public. Not because it’s tacky, or because everyone knows damn well you didn’t actually come from pilates class with all that makeup on, but because they might incite sexy thoughts in the feeble minds of men.
“I asked my husband his thoughts on the matter when he got home. I appreciated his honesty when he told me, “yeah, when I walk into a place and there are women wearing yoga pants everywhere, it’s hard to not look. I try not to, but it’s not easy.”
It’s not easy! Nevermind that, y’know, people be havin’ butts, and sometimes those butts warrant a passing glance. Nevermind the fact that this idea that he struggles with and ultimately succeeds in pulling his lustful eyes away from those butts is a lie. Nevermind the consideration that if it isn’t a lie, the fact that he does it is the most fucked up, borderline psychotic thing in the world.
“If it is difficult for my husband who loves, honors, and respects me to keep his eyes focused ahead, then how much more difficult could it be for a man that may not have the same self-control? Sure, if a man wants to look, they are going to look, but why entice them? Is it possible that the thin, form-fitting yoga pants or leggings could make a married (or single) man look at a woman in a way he should only look at his wife?”
This is where, as a man, I fucking lost it. For starters, I’m sick of the “strong Christian man” trope that’s become popular in these circles. You don’t get brownie points for growing a hipster beard and moving to bumfuck, Oregon, and you sure as shit don’t get a pat on the back for not ogling the occasional rear end. It doesn’t make you holier than thou, it makes you weirdly obsessed, like politicians who rail against homosexuality and then get caught sucking dick in a public bathroom.
The whole “can leggings make a man look at my butt the way he looks at his wife’s?” thing is ridiculous, too. Has she ever stopped to consider that most men can notice a butt and say “oh, hey, nice” and get on with their day? Maybe she should be more worried about the fact that her respectful, strong Christian husband has to struggle so much to not gawk, because apparently he’ll cream his skinny jeans otherwise.
Of course, the most insulting thing for women is the implication that its up to YOU to abate the sexual urges of men, since clearly we have no control over them. She might as well come out and say that women who dress like sluts deserve to get raped, because they were asking for it. Next time a guy’s wife confronts you for “making” her husband think lusty thoughts about your lusty, lusty buttcheeks, don’t blame her. Don’t blame him. Blame yourself for dressing like such a whore, obviously.
“I feel I am honoring God and my husband in the way I dress.”
Maybe honor your husband by letting him do some stuff with your butt, and maybe he’ll be less obsessed with everyone else’s.