How Do I Ditch My Boyfriend at Coachella? Dear Betch...

By The Betches

Dear Betches,

I need help figuring out if I am being a complete push over or if I am being a little too betchy then should be allowed (if that's even a thing). Soooo I have been going to Coachella for the past 3 years with my girlfriends (NEXT WEEK HOLYFUCKINGSHIT!!) and this year, my boyfriend wanted to go with me. I let him know that Coachella is a thing that I go to with my friends and that I love him but would....for lack of a better phrase, have a better time without him there. I know, I know, "harsh". But hey, I'm just being real here. I know he would be watching me like a hawk and questioning everything I did, or giving me shit about getting shwasted, letting my tits hang out, etc. The list goes on and fucking on.

Needless to say this is causing drama in our relationship. He says he doesn't know if he wants to be with someone that "doesn't want to do all of these special things together" or whatever line he used. I know he just wants to go to keep an eye on me. SO since I don't like to be fucking controlled, I'm going anyway. My way, and with my friends. Am I being too much of a heartless betch in going without him? Should I stalk Craigslist for a ticket? Or stand my ground and be like "hey I love you, but this is what's going down..." HELP PLEASE!


Betches Love Festivals

Dear Betches Love Festivals,

Good for you for not being a #66 UGH. Bestie traditions should never be broken for a guy. It sounds like your boyfriend is super clingy and shit. I mean good for you that you wear the pants but you've got to let this guy know that he's not your fucking camp counselor and should lay off with the supervised outings.

He should be happy that you're independent and want to do shit without him. Also what kind of whipped loser are you dating that actually wants to go to a music festival with a huge group of girls? In terms of you not wanting to "do all these special things together", it's not like you're taking an all female trip to Paris or ditching him on Valentine's day. It's fucking Coachella where the point is to get wasted and hang out. Your boyfriend obviously doesn't trust you which is an issue in itself but a betch never lets anyone threaten her. If he can't be with you because you have a life then he should get one of his own. As long as you're not a cheating whore he should have no issue with you going out and raging with your friends. If he can't handle that, he's not someone a betch should have to handle.


The Betches




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