Coca Cola To Release A New Shitty Beverage

By The Betches

So apparently Coke has been shadily testing a new low-cal version behind our backs for over a year. It’s called Coke Life, it’s sweetened with Stevia, and it’s totally different from Diet Coke and Coke Zero because a) the packaging is green, not red b) it’s not totally zero calories (lame), and c) the name Coke Life will make everyone think you're trying to come up with a clever hashtag to reference your addiction to cocaine

According to this article I read, Coke Life contains more than 4 tablespoons of real sugar and has about 89 calories per can, so in other words, it’s totally pointless.

Coke Life has been circulating in Argentina and Chile since last year and is expected to be released in the UK in the fall. No release date in the US for the foreseeable future, though, probably because “moderation” isn’t exactly what Americans do best.

This reminds me of a while back when Dr. Pepper tried to make “Dr. Pepper 10” a thing, and it was one of the worst things I’ve ever had the misfortune of tasting.  I also really doubt the fifty or so calories saved is really going to put a dent in the war on obesity. As I always say, go big or go home, and if you’re even considering drinking anything but DC, you’re probably literally going big anyway, soo…




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