Fuck Yes, Science Says Coffee Makes You Live Longer | Betches

Fuck Yes, Science Says Coffee Makes You Live Longer

By Betch Du Jour

Finally, some good news. Your caffeine addiction might be benefiting you in more ways than just appetite suppression. NPR reports that according to some study, drinking coffee has health benefits, and it's like, if by that you mean making me "too full" for salad, therefore thinner, and less likely to die from diabetes, then duh.


The study, published in some nerd journal called "Circulation", tested whether or not coffee had any links to living longer, and the results were uplifting for anyone who's never not holding a Starbucks in their hand. (So like, all of us.)

If you drink 3 - 5 iced coffees (is there any other choice???) a day, then you lower your risk of "premature death" (aforementioned diabetes, heart disease, etc.) by 15%. Apparently caffeine consumption even makes you less likely to commit suicide. Again, I'm not a doctor or whatever, but fucking duh! Have these researchers never had an trenta iced coffee with 3/4 packet of Splenda? It's a well known fact that that shit saves lives.

I feel like it goes without saying, but don't be idiotic and fool yourself into thinking that your Frappuccino and Peppermint Mocha bullshit counts. It doesn't.

Cheers to caffeine being the best drug ever. (Besides all the other drugs, obviously.)




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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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