August 9, 2012
As betches across the globe mourn the beginning of the end of summer, things can get really depressing. While most of us have been raging hard all summer, around this time of year life can seem kind of boring. We're here to mix it up by introducing the next big thing to hit college campuses and cities across the nation. We introduce to you a party routine that involves diets, vodka, and bros. That's right betches, collar boning is about to take world by storm.
So most of you will ask, what the fuck is collar boning? It sounds like an activity where a guy tries to fuck your clavicle. That's where you're wrong. Collar-boning is a new kind of body shot except better in that you can't do it if you're fat. Popping your collar is generally seen as a douchey move. Popping your collar bone is also pretty obnoxious, but that's the point.
Follow these instructions to have the pregame/bar experience of your life, no shot glasses necessary.
1. Find a skinny betch with an extremely defined collar bone. See pictures for an example of what will qualify.
2. Have that betch lean back in such a way that the collar bone forms a crevice that looks like it could comfortably fit a bar of soap.
3. Have a third party member pour a shot of vodka (preferably Svedka) into said collar bone.
4. The drinker (bro or betch) will then lick the vodka out of the collar bone, fulfilling an extremely entertaining body shot experience.
An accomplished betch will know the exact stance she has to sit in to master the art of the clavicle shot. Sometimes she'll have to stretch before hand, no one wants to pull their clavicle. Bros love collar boning becuase collar boning is a great gateway to actually boning. It goes without saying that if a bro can't take a collar bone shot like a pro, there's a very little chance he will ever turn into one. Who wouldn't love a shot that involves the intoxication of a night of heavy pregaming combined with the intimacy of vampire sex? Exactly.
Now some might argue that collar boning is kind of disgusting. Why would I want to lick someone's dirty collar bone? Chill, idiots. It's a statistical fact that collar bones are 90% more sanitary than a typical game of beer pong and 50% more sanitary than your typical body shots. If your friends have dirty necks then you're probably poor.
So betches, this fall it's time to hit the gym and start toning up your clavicle. No one wants to have the most neck fat at formal. Everyone knows a true betch would never consume the amount of calories in a Smirnoff ice, plus icing is so last season. If collar bones are the new skinny arm then having a fat neck is social suicide. Nice girls have double chins. Betches have double collar bone shots. Get toned. Collar bone.
** Email us your hottest clavicle shots to firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject "Collar Boning" for a chance to be featured on The Betches' Instagram.