January 21, 2015
Comedy Central announced the Roast of Justin Bieber, which will probably be just a televised reading of Twitter. Seriously, Justin gets roasted on the internet regularly, so Comedy Central is a little late to the game. You don't need comedians to make fun of Justin, all you need is someone who can read a headline and look at his mugshots. This is a guy who gets ripped a new asshole for everything he does (see Calvin Klein ads, see his monkey, see his collab with Nicki Minaj etc).
Apparently, Justin wanted the roast a couple years ago, but Comedy Central said he needed to provide them with more material, so story true all of his antics were just him trying to get a roast. Maybe he was pulling a Joaquin Phoenix and just fucking with us - probs not, but maybe.
The real question is which celebrities will be there. Usher? Selena Gomez? Kendall Jenner? At least this has a built in drinking game: Drink every time somebody ironically refers to him as JBiebz, talks about the petition to get him deported, asks Canada to take him back. Finally Justin Bieber does something more useful than supporting the private plane industry - getting us drunk.