January 28, 2015
Can't think of an obscure fruit or color to name your baby? Don't worry, this company has got you covered. A Swiss company called Erfolgswelle will give your baby a name that no one in the world has, a process which supposedly takes up to 100 hours to do. Essentially they just sit around in a circle and play drunken Scrabble until they create a mash-up of letters that some idiot can name their bundle of joy. Sign me the fuck up for that job.
They have hired a team of translators to go through basically every language ever, claiming that "it's a science." They'll pick a few names to tell the family and then they will cross check the names against anyone in History. If the name is ever previously mentioned, then they start all over again. So basically people get paid to go on ancestry.com all fucking day.
Apparently there have been a few families that have been paying for this bullshit service since its release last month. Beyonce, we know it's you.