March 31, 2014
It’s no secret that betches will find something to #80 bitch about in any situation. That said, nothing brings out betches’ complaints quite like a few snowflakes and some below zero temps. Ugghh, why is it so fucking cold out?
The weather is great because it gives us something totally novel to complain about everyday. It’s also one of the few things we have in common with the rest of the world. Yea, not everyone can relate to the stress of planning a pregame or coordinating their nail polish to the shade of a Louboutin sole but they sure as hell can relate when it’s rainy. Unfortunately mother nature does not discriminate between betches and the masses. Therefore complaining about the weather makes you seem, like, so down to earth and relatable.
The weather is also one of the few topics strangers will listen to you bitch about. I’m freezing, can you believe I have to deal with this weather?? Guess what, everyone’s fucking freezing. You’re warm-blooded in the middle of a fucking snowstorm.
A true betch will find something to complain about whether it’s rainy, foggy, humid, or even 85 and sunny. The weather is never good enough for us. Over SB you will no doubt hear a betch say “fuck this humidity it's ruining my hair” at least once a day.
Don’t even get us started on the Polar Vortex. Betches LOVED the Polar Vortex (shadily). It gave us a chance to bitch about the weather non-stop. It’s really fucking cold out? Better post that screenshot showing the temp is below freezing. #PolarVortex #dying. So original! I got 47 pity likes! Sure, kids are actually dying in Africa but your iced coffee literally froze on the way to work.
A lot of our polar vortex complaints were followed by some kind of empty threat to move to somewhere warmer, probably as a result of their friend who lives in LA bragging about how it's "soooo amazing here! Beach day in February!" But then what would you complain about? Traffic? We’re actually a little sad the Polar Vortex ended because our spring weather complaints will obviously not compare.
It’s hard out there for a betch. No, seriously, the struggle is real. Spring is coming and we might have to start like, layering and stuff.