We’ve all heard about the golden ratio. Ya know, the science-y thing the Greeks invented that tells you if you’re actually beautiful or not. I mean, I have a mirror and some construction guys that catcall me every morning on my way to work to do that for me, but fine. I guess this is a little more official. Well now some British plastic surgeon has developed a computer program that analyses people and can tell you who has the prettiest face in the world. I’m calling bullshit if it’s not Gigi Hadid or Blake Lively.
Turns out the most beautiful human is Amber not-Mrs.-Depp Heard, whose face met almost 92% of the golden ratio. I mean, she’s really pretty and all, but like, the world’s most beautiful? Did she even make the cut in People magazine this year? I’m not convinced. Other regulation hotties included Kim Kardashian, Kylie Jenner and Rihanna. Um… Does Kylie actually count? Because that’s only like 50% her real face, and 100% just the mini version of Kim's face. Just saying. Also, where the fuck is Kendall? Don’t even tell me she’s now been demoted to third hottest of the Kardashian/Jenners. I can’t wait to see the episode where she finds out.
So how do you access this genius program to find out if you’re attractive? Tbh, I have no idea. But the doc who invented it released how to do it yourself, but apparently you have to be Albert fucking Einstein because it’s confusing and math-y AF. It involves finding the area of your lips (how does one even do that?), measuring shit, dividing, and other smart people things I totally forgot about. Like, brb… Going to solve The Da Vinci Code real quick and then I’ll get to deciphering if ancient Greeks think I’m scientifically pretty. No fucking thanks. I think I’ll stick to 'gramming fire pics of myself and calculating my hotness based on the number of likes I get.