Cooking 101: How To Cook Rice Without Fucking Up | Betches

Cooking 101: How To Cook Rice Without Fucking Up

By Betchy Crocker

There are kitchen basics every betch should know. These tips include such wisdom as: the water needs to be boiling before you add pasta (I knew a bitch who didn't know this shit); lime juice keeps your avocado from turning brown (FUCKING DUH); and yogurt will curdle if you add lemon juice (It's sad every time).


However, there’s one basic that I continually hear people are messing up: cooking rice – and I’m not talking about MinuteRice or some povo food version. I’m talking delicious, steamy, fluffy Basmati or jasmine or brown rice.

If every time you attempt to make rice WITHOUT one of those stupid fucking rice cookers Like what the fuck, who buys that shit?

You end up with a) dried out crunchy rice or b) a mash of rice that is stuck to the pot for years to come, let me help with these basic bitch tips.

  1. First off, get your proportions right. Today we’re going to use Basmati rice, so that’s 1 cup of rice to 1 ¾ cups of water. Also, you should wash Basmati rice first through a strainer, since it’s uber starchy and idk about you but I’m not trying to eat all that. You can also soak it for about 30 minutes, but I never fucking do and I’m still alive.
  2. BOIL THE WATER FIRST. Once your water is boiling quickly stir in your rice – plus any oil, butter, or seasoning you want, then TURN DOWN THE HEAT TO MEDIUM LOW and PUT THE COVER ON THE POT.
  3. WALK THE FUCK AWAY. Do not stir, do not open the lid, do not check on this shit. The more times you open the pot, the more steam escapes, hence your crunchy shitty rice cake, dumbass.
  4. When you have waited the allotted time (15 minutes in our case), turn off the heat completely. DO NOT OPEN THE GODDAMN POT.
  5. After about 5 minutes, you may open the pot, fluff the rice with a fork (if you don’t use a fork your rice will clump and be shitty) and add it to whatever delicious meal you’re making.


See? Rice is easy and we’re all smarter now.




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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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