February 4, 2014
The devious Bachelor producers knew what they were doing when they sent Juan Pablo and the kids to Seoul South Korea. Those smart sons of bitches sent JP, the girls, and the camera crew off into the sunset to do dance routines at shopping malls and get suspicious fish pedicures while the rest of the crew, Chris Harrison definitely included, got wasted with the majority of South Korean's already wasted population.
While we're almost positive they're not drinking vodka, the spirit of the betch, but instead are taking Soju to the face, which is a liquor usually distilled from rice and has an alcohol content of 20%. Pussies. Vodka has 40%. Therefore we win! Well techinically Russia (and the Philippines, Thailand, Japan, Bulgaria, Ukraine, Slovakia, & Brazil win but since we're from the US we'll choose to ignore them) still wins, but not in the grand scheme of life, because they'd rather have their kids publicly stoned to death than sent to rehab. And fuck going to Indonesia on Spring Break anytime soon.