April 15, 2015
Guys, Rachel Lenhardt isn't a regular mom, she's a cool mom. After she lost custody of her kids in a divorce (pause to take a second to consider how bad of a parent you have to be to be a woman and lose full custody), her teenage daughter I guess missed her mom's no rules, hard partying ways and asked if she could "have a few people over."
A whole lot of shots and bong hits later, cut to: a bunch of teenagers and the mom playing naked Twister in the living room. My childhood, it has been forever marred. Idk how fucked up you have to be (in all senses of the word) to be okay with seeing your mom naked but I guess that's Georgia for you. Then, the mom left the Twister party to have sex with one of the 18-year-old boys in the bathroom. But because that barely legal dick wasn't enough for her, the mom then got out her sex toys and proceeded to use them on herself in front of all the kids. Because, you know, just offering condoms and snacks is way too tame. Just...how? Like, can we get these people in Augusta a fucking playground or something, because clearly everybody out there has way too much pent-up energy?
I hope you haven't run to the bathroom to vom yet, because it gets better. From Augusta crime:
"Lenhardt said she was asleep in her bed and woke up around 3:30 a.m. when she felt someone having sex with her. She thought it was the 18-year-old but realized it was her daughter’s 16-year-old boyfriend. The daughter later told her mother that she felt guilty because the boyfriend’s 10-inch penis was too large for her and he needed to have sex instead with the mother."
A daughter pimping out her own mother, what a twist. Somebody should tell M Night Shyamalan. Nice touch on "accidentally" leaking her bf's dick size, btw. Whoever this unnamed 16-year-old is, he's about to be drowning in pussy real soon. I'm just curious where law enforcement would go from here. Like does forcible rape override (no pun intended) statutory rape? What happens next?
In related news: sitting in his dark apartment all alone, the only light being the glow of the computer screen, somewhere, Dick Wolf jizzed his pants.