May 21, 2014
Most of the time betches are like totally chill. However, if our besties were asked to describe us, they def woudn’t say that. They might describe us as “fun” or “pretty” or “kind of a bitch sometimes” but definitely not “chill” or “relaxed.” That’s because, while we spend 90% of our time not giving a fuck, we spend the other 10% freaking the fuck out, AKA overreacting.
Mostly we’ve accepted this about ourselves, even embraced it. I mean, they don’t give a Xanax prescription to just anybody. But for every freak out there’s about five people who saw it happen. So, after years of flipping a shit, we’ve finally figured out exactly how you should react after overreacting.
It’s always important to make it seem like had a legitimate reason to freak out to avoid being labeled as a psycho bitch. Like when you couldn’t find your wallet in Mexico, blamed the hotel maids for stealing it, bitched out the front desk staff for not speaking better English, and then were like “Oh wait, nvm. Found it by the pool!” People get robbed in Mexico all the time! Excuse me for caring.
If there is no legitimate excuse, you can always just ignore the fact that you overreacted in the first place. For example, if you freak out at a restaurant because they got your order wrong, you should probs just forget about it and move the fuck on. Sure, asking to speak to the manager was a bit much, but that waitress will NEVER mix up Diet and regular Coke again.
If some one has the nerve to bring up your freak out, you can always turn it around and make them feel like a complete asshole for doing so. I was going through a really rough time, okay!? My dog just had surgery.
Sympathy is for nice girls. If you see someone else have a psycho-girl freak out, it’s totally okay to hold it against them, even for like, an excessively long time. Remember that time Christie freaked out that her BF wasn’t texting her back and started crying at the bar? Yea, bitch is crazy. Bringing attention to someone else’s freak out is a great way to make people forget yours and, you know, make your besties stop bringing up the time you drunkenly fell down the stairs.
Above all, don’t apologize. By flipping out you’re just keeping people on their toes…and providing legitimate examples as to why you still need your anxiety medication.