February 21, 2014
After deciding who this question would most appropriately be directed to (Head Pro, you are still a very useful tool), I have decided that this inquiry is best suited for the women of Betches, of who’s irreverence I most appreciate.
Though my concern may sound naïve or immature, it is truly a topic that I struggle to interpret: When does voyeurism on Instagram cross the line of vaguely vulgar (though perhaps still “healthy” or “normal”), and enter the realm of, well, creepy. Being twenty-two years old, I cannot help but feel slightly juvenile for asking a question concerning men and “Instagram etiquette”, but I also cannot help but be in tune to the fact that there are many men (bros, dudes, etc.) who follow accounts dedicated to your daily dose of male voyeurism and female-bodied spectatorship. To me, this evokes mental images of men, sitting at their work desks (for instance), flipping through image after image of highly sexualized female bodies at 3pm. I do not know if this is a mental image that portrays an accurate reality and something I should accept as inherently “male”, or if my assumptions are…you know, “batshit”.
My question then is, what is appropriate versus not appropriate in reference to this issue? I know a lot of this is singular to the individual, their perceptions and beliefs, but how should I feel about a man who I am beginning to date and who follows 20-plus accounts of scantily clad fitness models, and three accounts of “The Gap”—and I don’t mean the store…though I don’t know if that would’ve been more comforting anyway.
I don’t want this to be an issue that makes or breaks how I feel about someone, but I can’t help but wonder: “What is normal?”, “What is acceptable?”, and “Should this bother me?”
Whatever your brutally honest answer is, I would truly appreciate hearing it.
Confessions of an all-women’s college student
Although I have to call you out for the fact that your email reads more like a senior year psych disseration than an advice column (this is BETCHES LOVE THIS after all) I was intrigued by your question and felt compelled to answer it.
I too have an encountered many a bro that seemed highly datable until I’ve come across the large amount of ass/boob/sex inspired Instagrams that he so openly follows for the world (and my friends) to see. Now what a guy does in his private time is not something I generally give as shit about but if you’re so highly sexualized and in your own world that you think it’s okay to be casually 'liking; 20 pictures a day of wannabe instawhore models wearing nothing but bikini bottoms for likes than I’ve got to admit that this is a red flag. A guy who so blatantly flaunts his objectification of women in public can only be more misogynistic when it comes to his private life. Like, do I need to be embarrassed by the fact that my 5 closest friends are consistently seeing you follow these trashy accounts when you’re my boyfriend? I think not. Like at least pretend to respect women and save the objectification for your porn hub of a MacBook.
At the end of the day I’d say this is a red flag but not necessarily a deal breaker. If you’re close enough with the bro that you are actually considering dating him like, for real it’d be a good idea to call him out on his blatant voyeurism in a subtle, funny way. Calmly explain that you’re fine that he looks at that shit but you’d rather not know about it. There are some secrets better left untold. Like, he knows you get Brazilians but I doubt any bro would be chill with himself and his friends seeing you ‘like’ multiple accounts about body waxing techniques. I'm sure you'd get serious shit for that.
Good luck with that whole All-Women's College Shit,
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