Dear Betch... | Betches

Dear Betch...

By The Betches

Dear Betch,

I recently graduated from college and moved to a new city and started a new job where I only knew a couple of people. Shortly after I moved here, I met a well established pro and we've been hanging out for a little over a month now. I like this guy and he's treating me like a queen and introducing me to a plethora of cool people but I can't help feeling that as a betch, I shouldn't tie myself down to one guy in a new city. Like I said, I like this guy but I don't want to miss out on a potentially hotter, richer pro because I'm "tied down". Also, I'm scared if I stop hanging out with this pro, his friends will act sketchy toward me and I'll have to start over with making friends.


Betch in a new city

Dear Betch in a New City,

It sounds like you're not that into this guy because if you were, you wouldn't fear settling. That being said, you shouldn't be holding out for a guy who's richer or hotter than the one you have but instead holding out for one that you just generally really really like. If you're a true betch, you won't need a guy and his friends to make you popular in a new city -- people will generally just be drawn to your awesomeness. Do some activities, find a few friends, and hang out with people who like you no matter who you're dating. As for this guy, tell him you're not quite ready for anything serious yet and don't be a bitch. If he's still a douche bag or his friends are rude to you, this will be the last confirmation you needed that you made the right decision. You just got to this city. Don't settle for a back burner posse.


The Betches

Dear Betch,

Last year I started spending a lot more time with one of my guy friends. One drunken night, things got a little out of hand, and we hooked up. I overlooked my usual rule of #not having sex with bros, and for the next week, we continued having sex.

For the rest of the year we were on and off never for more than a few weeks, but then a bunch of my friends and I went on vacation together. We spent two weeks having sex, and, by the end, he dropped the L-bomb. Sober. I didn't say it back because I was in utter shock and didn't feel that way at all.

Then, we went our separate ways for summer, but he wrote me a letter almost everyday, like The Notebook style, telling me how much he missed me and loved me. And I was starting to feel the same way…

Well, he found out that I hooked up with another #pro who was way hotter. So, now we're back at school, and he's basically not talking to me. He told me that we were over, and never happening again. But now I want him more than ever. He's done this before, and it usually passes, but I've never wanted to get back together when he gets mad at me. How do I get over this guy for good and not go back to him when he's over it?

We are (hopefully) never getting back together

Dear Never Getting Back Together,

As with the first letter, this is a classic case of 'you're just not that into him.' You only want him back now because he's made it clear that he doesn't want you. If you really did love him, you would've felt it when he told you he loved you. The fact that you're only attracted to him when he pulls away means you're much more into the mind game of his affections than him as a person. What this means in the bigger scheme of things is that you're probably not ready and mature enough for a relationship with anyone so you only like boys that don't like you. This isn't a problem as betches love #32 winning more than we like being happy so go out there and get mind fucked by as many guys as it takes for you to realize you're only in it for the win. In the mean time, enjoy dinner dates and getting fucked up on various guys tabs. You're only young and hot forever, so why waste it being in like, a mature relationship?

You're welcome for your weekly dose of unhealthy relationship advice. Until next week, emotionally stunted girls.


The Betches


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