Dear Betch...

By The Betches

Dear Betches,

I was wondering if you could write a little about your thoughts on plastic surgery, specifically nose jobs. I’m 21 and a junior in college and I’ve wanted a nose job since I was about 15. I’ve had boyfriends before and have hooked up with my fair share of decent looking guys but on the flip side I’ve had more than one person come up to me telling me they could tell I was Jewish because of my nose.

My parents keep telling me that having boys like me better isn’t a good reason to get a nose job and that if that’s why I want one then I’ll never be satisfied… but if that’s not the reason that people get them than I don’t know what is.

I’m a little worried that my parents may have a point but what I am obviously WAY more worried about is what if it goes really wrong and I end up looking worse? I’ve seen some really AMAZING nose jobs (Blake Lively anyone?) and some really bad ones. I want a nose job so badly but I’m scared of looking even worse with it. About half my friends say I should go for it and half don’t. Obviously you don’t know what I look like so you can’t really tell me if it’s worth the risk or not but any guidance/tips/advice you can offer/give on plastic surgery would be much appreciated! And if you have any names of amazing doctors… or can use your betchy powers to figure out who did Blake Lively’s nose… let me know!!


Dear Rhinoplasty Girl,

Plastic surgery is often a highly debated subject among betches. Naturally, everyone wants to be able to say that they were born with chiseled abs and perfect features but few of us actually are (besides me. Fucking duh). Now, most girls will bullshit you and say they want a nose job to feel better about themselves but let's be fucking honest. If you're getting a nose job it's because you want people (guys) to find you more attractive or because nose jobs are trendy. In a universe filled with one person, no one's yearning for a nose job to frolic in the woods alone.

In your case generally it seems like you care too much about what people think since you've clearly surveyed all your friends and a few guys who have been douchey enough to actually call you ugly to your face. My first advice is to stop giving a shit what people think about how you look. Do you like your nose? Do you wish it looks different or are you just obsessed with looking the way your friends and guys want you to look?

That being said, if your nose has been bothering you for upwards of two years and you're otherwise psychologically healthy and not constantly trying to change shit about yourself so that guys like you more, I'd say go for it. The only thing more annoying than having a fugly face is pretending you love your fugly face just the way it is. You do you and fuck the haters. In terms of recommendations for doctors I know a few but I don't know where you live, thus there is a tool called google. Finally, I suggest you book an appointment with a top notch therapist before a plastic surgeon. Plastic surgeries are a slippery slope and there's a fine line between your first rhinoplasty and Heidi Montag. Remember that no matter how big a true betch's nose, it should never be bigger than her confidence and "I don’t give a shit what people think" attitude.

Good luck,

The Betches




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