August 20, 2012
It has come to my attention you think iPhones are so betchy and of course triumph over the wanna be blackberry. They have great apps so the hottest and betchiest can share their lives with outsiders who wish they were us in an instant. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare, all take over my iPhone but where is your iPhone app? The betches should have an application with your twitter feed and the ability to read the latest articles on the go since we aren't always in our mansions or penthouse apartments sitting by our computers 24/7. From one betch to the next I think this would be a great addition to any of our lives.
The iGenius Betch
Dear The IGenius Betch,
As a special note to you and the 500 other people who consistently write to us asking for an iPhone app, it's fucking coming. Now take a xanax and relax.
I started hooking up with a typical "nice" boy recently and i have never had a relationship with someone who doesn't turn out to be an asshole. The only problem is... we were talking about "how far" we both went. Turns out I was his first hook up and he's never done anything else besides kiss! Im only in high school, and i'm still a virgin but c'mon! I have no idea how to handle this situation. Am i supposed to make the first move for everything because i'm more "experienced" ?? We have been hooking up for almost two weeks now and he hasn't tried ANYTHING. What should I do?
slut gone too far
Dear slut gone too far,
First off, since you're writing to us from high school I'm happy to hear you're still a virgin and #8 not fucking bros yet. However, just because you're a virgin doesn't mean it's okay to run around giving BJs left and right to anyone willing to take their pants down. Sure if this kid is like 16, and never rounded third base that's sort of weird but maybe he's a late bloomer and just exited his awkward puberty stage. It's not like he's 25. This guy is obviously just nervous he'll fuck something up.
At the end of the day, why not make the first move since this guy seems like he's very into you? And hey, there's nothing wrong with keeping it your pants for a little. It's only been two weeks. It's called romance and it's based on the idea that there are more things guys want to do with girls than fuck them. No one likes an underage slut who's all used up and whored out before she even steps foot on a college campus.