Dear Betch, How Do I Make A Good Impression On My Sorority?

Dear Betches, 

I'm a rising sophomore at a university known for being very cold, very big, and very Greek. Last year I rushed and joined the sorority of my dreams, but the school I attended at the time just wasn't the right fit for me. I applied to transfer, and voila, I will now be attending this new, big, cold university. The good news is, they have a chapter of my sorority at my new school. The bad news? I have to go through a "matching process" to determine if I would fit in with my new chapter. If they accept me, I'm in, but if they reject me, I have to become an "Undergraduate Alumna". Ugh. 

I was fairly confident that I'd be a good fit for my srat at my new school, but then the friend requests came pouring in. Oh. My. God. Some of these girls are so beautiful, it looks like they walked out of a Free People magazine. By the looks of it, they are 1000x cooler than me. I'm no social butterfly or runway model, but I don't live under a rock. My social media accounts are fine, and I fall somewhere in the middle of the "fun" scale. On the other hand, I certainly have an inner weirdo that has the tendency to say the wrong things at the wrong time. I desperately want to stay in my sorority but I need to prove myself to be a good "fit" for the sorority first. While I think this is a little bogus—I am an initiated member, and shouldn't we all be sisters for life?—I need tips and guidance to keep it cool, calm, and collected while meeting the sisters. Is there anything I can do to curry favor with them? Please help a sratty betch out. 


Restless Sistafriend

Dear Restless Sistafriend,

First things first… Take a fucking breath. Affiliating with another chapter is not hard. I was in a sorority at a huge Southern school so it’s about as intense as Greek shit gets, and we had girls affiliate all the time. Tbh, most of them probs wouldn’t have gotten bids during rush, but they weren’t bad enough to make them feel like total shit for being told no by a sorority they already got into. Plus, advisors get all pissy because it leaves a bad taste in the affiliate’s mouth, and they’re less likely to keep giving them money. Ya know. Politics. But anyway, here’s what you need to do.

1) Don’t freak the fuck out because they’re hot. You literally know nothing about them besides what they look like. Some of my prettiest friends are the biggest fucking weirdos on the planet and you’d never know it if you just stalked them on Facebook. Oh, and go ahead and subtract AT LEAST three points from how cool they seem on social media because that shit isn’t real life. Per my Insta, I live on a Caribbean vacation, wasn’t totally out of place at Coachella and have model-worthy candids snapped of me wherever I go like I’m Serena fucking Van Der Woodsen. Spoiler alert: All false.

2) Do shit. The biggest strike against affiliates when we’d vote wasn’t that they weren’t pretty enough or that they “said the wrong things at the wrong time.” It was that they were sketchy AF. If someone asks you to come out with them, you go. IDGAF if you’re asleep or you have a test or you just wanna lay in your bed and watch SVU all night long, you get your ass up and go.

3) Stop being so damn insecure. I mean, Jesus, you make it sound like you’re the lamest person alive and you’re just lucky to be in these girls’ presence. If you feel inferior, people are gonna pick up on that shit and think you actually are. This isn’t a fucking one-way street. You’re making a decision too. If this chapter and its members sucks, you get to reject them. So start acting like it. I’m not saying be a cocky asshole that everyone hates. But if you’re a chill person who’s fun to be around, own it.

But hey, look at the bright side… At least you don’t have to go through rush again,

The Betches

Got a problem only The Betches can solve? Email us at [email protected] and you just might get an answer if you're worthy. If you're going to email with the typical "why doesn't he like me?" bullshit, consider reading our book instead.




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