September 22, 2015
Nicole Arbour is a.... comedian, I guess? A "vlogger," which is a thing that should not exist? I understand that YouTube money > blog money, but nobody wants to fucking watch you talk at your camera in smash-cuts for five minutes. Anyway, this Nicole Arbour girl vlogged her way to infamy about a month ago with a video called "Dear Fat People." It contains all the stupid shit you'd expect - fat shaming, the idea that fat shaming is effective and not actually counter-productive, pink hair extensions, etc. Worst of all, the video by an ostensible comedian contains no jokes, unless you count making funny faces and weird noises jokes, in which case you can count them as jokes if I can count your "career" as a vlogger as the biggest joke of all. After claiming that YouTube censored her and shut down her channel (a claim that's highly disputed, and also probably bullshit because at the time her account just looked like it was private), she's back with a video about everyone's favorite dinner table topic: Abortion!
The hilarity starts with the title. It's called "Abortion is Wrong," but the thesis of the video is that abortion is not wrong. Jokes! Her opening line is "dear black people," because omg you guys, I'm like sooooo funny because I'm edgy! After that, it's more tired re-treads of old jokes, like how bad people should be aborted, and that people who say she should be aborted should have been aborted (hilarity!), and how being anti-abortion is bad because non-aborted babies grow up to become criminals, or something. Like, I read Freakonomics too (the authors correlate the decrease of crime in NYC with Roe vs. Wade), but I'm not trying to make videos asserting that correlation as fact. She also goes on a bizarre tirade about how kids who would have otherwise been aborted will end up on ADD medication and given sugary beverages by their parents (spoiler: her solution is that those parents should have been aborted too). It's not as boldly odious as her last "viral" video, which makes it even less remarkable - it's just run of the mill dumb. Maybe she was inspired by my Instagram post on the subject?
You can call that a lame joke, and you may be right, but the difference is I didn't produce a five minute video restating the same punch line over and over. My bold, spicy hot take? Anyone who calls themselves a "vlogger" but who just leans on the same tired production techniques popularized by Jenna Marbles and Philip DeFranco should be.... forced to watch this girls videos about abortion and fat people on a loop, for eternity.