Saturday is the 142nd Kentucky Derby. If you haven’t had a proper upbringing and don’t know what that is, you can stop reading here. For the rest of us classy AF betches who care about rolling into Churchill Downs or our K Derby lawn parties in style, here are some tips.
The Kentucky Derby is about two things: wearing hats and getting drunk. When else are you going to be able to get shitfaced in a ridiculous hat and not have everyone call you out for being an attention-seeking whore? This is the only day. Take advantage. If you think you don’t look good in hats, you’re probably fucking right. There are like 10 people on the planet who do. Get over yourself and play along with the fascinator game.