The End Of Diet Coke Might Be Upon Us AKA The World Is Ending

By Lisa Vanderbetch

I’m not trynna freak y’all out or anything, but all the betchy drinks are on the verge of extinction. First we learned prosecco might run out, then Champagne. Not to mention rosé season ends in like a fucking month. In case that wasn’t mind-blowingly awful enough, it’s recently come out that diet sodas aka Diet Coke’s days might be numbered. Wtf are we supposed to drink?

oh my god

Some company that examines consumer habits and shit found that less people are drinking diet versions of soda and if the trend keeps at it, they might be discontinued. Are you kidding me rn? What’s even crazier is that regular soda sales are actually on the rise, which actually isn’t all that crazy when you think about it because we have a fucking obesity problem in this country. Fucking duh.


They think it has something to do with artificial sweeteners getting a bad rep. Apparently, those might have something to do with people getting fat? That makes no fucking sense because my Diet Coke has zero calories and the regular one has 150. I’m looking at the cans rn. But IDK, science is hard. The company also says it could be because everyone is on a clean-eating kick and just drinking water and juices instead. Thanks a lot, Gwyneth Paltrow. Now look what you’ve done.

Fuck You

The good news is that Diet Coke isn’t going anywhere just yet. We just have to do our due diligence and buy a shit ton of DC so they get the message that this just won’t do. So drink up, betches. Our sanity depends on it.

Diet Coke




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