April 2, 2013
Ladies, here’s another set of emails that didn’t make the cut and need to get the fuck out of my inbox. Yup, it's just about time for that Tuesday afternoon quickie.
Dear Head Pro,
I've been incredibly annoyed with one of my booty calls lately, so I decided to turn to you because I know you'll tell me straight up if I'm being a batshit crazy bitch. I've hung out a decent amount of times with this guy and when we're drunk we end up hooking up. He's totally not the awkward type at all, even when we hang out sober in a small group. The last time I hooked up with him was like two weeks ago, and ever since then I've seen him at the gym every single day. It doesn't matter what time I go, I always see him lifting weights when I'm on the treadmill. The thing I have a problem with is that he doesn't ever walk over and say hi to me or even wave. I'll catch him staring at me, but he then looks away. It confuses me because even though we're sort of each other's booty calls, we text/hang out enough soberly for it to not be awkward. I would totally forgot about it if it was a one night stand but I consider(ed) us to be friendly enough. Why is it that all of a sudden when we see each other at the gym he acts like he doesn't know me? The suckiest part about it is that I want to keep hooking up with him because the sex is good, but I don't know if I can continue to have sex with someone who can't put down his weight to even give me a wave. I know I maybe looking way too far into this, I always do, but I thought ignoring people you hook up with stopped in high school.
Sweating the Small Stuff
Seriously? Dude is just trying to get yoked for beach season. Maybe he went on Spring Break and he’s not satisfied with the way the pictures turned out. And what girl actually wants a guy to talk to them when they’re working out? Are you one of those girls who wears makeup to the gym and toddles along on the elliptical to avoid getting sweaty? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Dear Head Pro,
So over spring break in Florida I was taking a nap in the Lamda Chi beach house when my girl friends came to pick me up. When we got to our house some of my boy friends pledge bros were hanging out in our living room and they told my boyf that I hooked up with someone while at the Lamda Chi house. I texted my guy friends and the guy who was on the bed with me taking a nap and both assured me that nothing happened. Let me tell you, I have known these guys I was hanging out with since lower school. There's no way anything sexual could ever happen between us. I know that this looks really bad but now my boyf wants to break up with me and I did nothing wrong. I texted and called him wanting to talk but I've gotten no response. Some people have told me to just tell him that I'm sorry but I don't want to admit to something I never did. How can I convince my boyf that I was truthful to him. Will I just have to wait it out? Or should I force a convo with him asap?
Not a Cheater
+10 for hanging out at the tightest frat’s beach house; -50 for spelling their name wrong. Don’t have a “conversation” with your boyfriend. Tell him straight up that nothing happened and that if he wants to be a drama queen about it then fine, but you won’t be going to the store to buy him tampons. That should snap him out of it, because right now he’s milking your angst for all it’s worth. If that doesn’t work, you should probably hook up with one of the Lambo bros anyway. They are probably much sweeter.
Dear Head Pro,
I have become infatuated with this guy who has recently started texting me every day. We met months ago, but have only begun texting recently after we hooked up for the first time a few weekends ago. I haven't seen him since then but we talk all day every day and he is really flirty and cute, like he texts me good morning and even quotes Taylor Swift. But the problem is he may or may not have a girlfriend. He occasionally tweets things like "date night" or uploads pictures with this one girl. He said he wanted to go on a date together, but every time I hint at hanging out, he doesn't make plans. I just don't understand why he texts me all the time and is so nice, yet never makes an effort to hang out. I think his allusions to a girlfriend are fake, and I would ask him about it, but I feel like that's a conversation better had face-to-face and not over text. Any idea what this guy's deal is?
If he’s tweeting about "date night" and quoting Taylor Swift, I think the real issue is that he may or may not have a boyfriend too.