Does Using Hinge Make Me A Loser? Ask a Pro

By The Head Pro

Email your questions about life, love and movie choices to [email protected]

Dear Head Pro,

I'm going to keep this short and simple. I'm a college senior who just started hooking up with this guy I met on Tinder (original, I know) and we both are cool with being fuck buddies. It sounds like he wants to hang out, so what kind of movies can we watch that will go along with the sexy-without romance-vibe?


Dear Clueless,

I’d go with “Die Hard.” It’s a classic. Alternatively you could watch another of my favorites called “Stop Acting Like a Teenager; None of That Shit Matters.” You may have to dig a bit in the bargain bins at Target, but it’s totally worth watching. I highly recommend it.

Cinematic Kisses,

Head Pro

Hello Head Pro,

Here's my deal. I'm 20, in college, and I've been single forever. I've never had a serious relationship, ever. Sex? Yes, I'm definitely no prude. But for some reason I haven't yet found a person I want to take things to a serious level with. What bothers me, and why I'm writing to you, is in those times I actually do develop real feelings I end up disappointed because there's something that prevents it from becoming anything more.

Recently I was visiting some friends in a town 2 hours away, a group of us were out at the bar and a friend of mine, who I've known for a few years, confessed his feelings for me. Saying how he's really liked me for a long time but has never pursued it because we were at different colleges. I've always thought he was a great person, attractive, smart, etc. We had a great night together and at the end I stayed with him and we had amazing amazinnnnnng sex. And our morning after was perfect. Unfortunately, I had to leave right after breakfast to get home for work. Neither of us were happy.

I was so sad to leave him, and since our night together I haven't stopped thinking about him. I think he's wonderful and he's the type of person I could see myself dating. And, like I said, I don't feel like that often. I'm not sure where to go from here, it's been a week and we haven't talked much. I don't particularly like making small talk over text messages. And I don't want to come on too strong, especially over the phone. I feel like there's nothing I can do until I go visit him again. But do I wait until he invites me? I guess my question is how do I deal with this period of limbo? Do I make the next move? Or wait for him?


I'll let you come up with my pseudo-name

Dear It’s “Pseudonym,”

So you like this guy (a rarity!), but you don’t like texting, you don’t want to call him and it’s apparently too much to ask that you at least hint at meeting up again? Do you think that this is maybe why you have trouble with “something” that “prevents” relationships from happening, i.e., you finding reasons why they can’t? Like, unless you’re for whatever reason only comfortable communicating via fax machine, the only thing stopping you from finding out what’s up is you.

Just text him. No one “likes” making small talk over text, but if you’re actually into him I’d think you’d at least look forward to communicating with him. There’s no need to go overboard or look like you’re TTH or anything; just text him something that’s casual yet still warrants a response (“Friends and I are trying to settle an argument: ‘Die Hard,’ or ‘Die Hard With a Vengeance?’”). If the conversation stalls, then fine, but odds are he’s sitting there wondering whether or not he should text you too. You can keep blaming your relationship woes on some Invisible Hand, or you can do one little thing that costs you nothing that will help you sleep better at night regardless of the outcome.

Amazinnnnnng Kisses,

Head Pro

Dear Head Pro,

I'm a recent college graduate living in a brand new city. While most of my college friends ended up in NYC, I'm living across the country in city in which I knew no one upon arrival. I love my job, my company and my new 'hood but let's be real: meeting people in any capacity is much harder in the real world when you're not constantly surrounded by a pool of potential friends and hookups.

I was talking with a friend the other day and I mentioned that I'd been going on Hinge dates to which she replied "Oh my god why?! That's NOT how I want to meet someone!" Like ok, sure, I don't really want to tell my parents or future kids that I met the guy on an app. And while some of the guys I've met have been fun to chat with, nothing has come from any of my "dates." I don't have to justify my decisions to my friend but she has the luxury of an extensive circle of known quantities to choose from and thus hasn't branched out. My new city is home to a big university and all those grads behave the same way.

So my question, Head Pro: what advice do you have for meeting guys--or just normal, people--in a new city? I've gotten close with coworkers, joined some activities and generally say yes to any invite I get but at the end of the day, I still have a Hinge account and that hasn't worked out either. Honestly, I think my friend was kind of bitch but then again, I don't have a boyfriend to back up my stance. And I swear, I am really happy here. But some sage advice would be appreciated.

Dear _________,

Dating apps are like HPV: Almost everyone has it, but people are still very embarrassed about it. I don’t know why that is. Sure, it’s not the romcom “fateful meetup” trope that everyone wishes would happen to them, but I don’t know why using an app makes you some kind of pariah. It’s like, “Ooh, you used a free and proven conduit for meeting someone in a city full of strangers. What a loser!” Fuck your friend right in the bellybutton. She is, in fact, being a bitch.

But yeah, what you’re describing is hard. Not only that, but it takes time. As you mentioned, things like Hinge are great for connecting you with people, but they don’t make any guarantees after that. If you’re willing to try a more robust service like Match you might find guys who are a little more serious, but girls treat dating sites the way guys treat porn: It’s all fun and games until you start paying for it. Still, if getting a boyfriend is a PRIORITY for you, that would be something worth trying.

Other than that, you just gotta keep grinding and let the universe unfold. Making actual, close friends is really hard as an adult, so you have to stick with what you’re already doing. When you get close enough with your coworkers, eventually they’ll introduce you to more people, expanding your circle exponentially. Keep it up with your activities, and eventually the introduction of even newer people will (by default) bond you closer with other participants. Keep saying yes to invites. Keep going on Hinge dates, if they’re enjoyable. What’s most important is that you like where you are, so it’s just a matter of settling in.

But Have You Tried Inviting a Hinge Match to Watch “Die Hard?”

Head Pro

Email your questions about life, love and movie choices to [email protected]




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