Donald Trump Is The Betchiest Presidential Candidate Ever

By Queen Elizabetch

ICYMI, Donald Trump is running for president and his hair will probs be his Vice President. He's been talking mad shit about the other candidates for the past week.

He said that John McCain wasn't a war hero, even though McCain was literally a prisoner of war. That's like saying somebody who's been forced to listen to Uptown Funk on repeat doesn't understand the urge to cut off her own ears. Trump's argument was that the true war heroes were the ones who didn't get captured by the enemy. But much like Cher in Clueless, it's all the more impressive that she argued her way from a B to an A-.

Then on Tuesday, Lindsey Graham - a Senator from South Carolina who is also running for President - and Trump started calling each other names. First Trump called Graham an idiot, then Graham called Trump a jackass. Obvi these guys weren't friends with many girls in high school or they would've had a better arsenal of insults. Donald Trump, like most things in his life, decided to take this shitty attempt to create a Burn Book to the next level: He released Lindsey Graham's private cell phone number at a political rally. That's way harsh Tai.

It's the girl world equivalent of if Regina George told Aaron Samuels that Cady liked him, made out with him, wrote a blog post about it, and posted Cady's cell phone number to Reddit. As you can probably guess, people have been calling Lindsey Graham's cell like its a call in sweepstakes for a lifetime supply of Chipotle.

All thats left in this saga is for Graham to call Trump a scum sucking road whore that ruined his life - maybe he's saving that for the first debate.





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